The Peevery

The Peevery is Back!

2006-03-09T15:01:00.000-08:00

It seems as if 99% of all traffic is now being directed to the brand new blog. So go there. Quit coming here.

The Peevery

P.S. Other recent posts can be found by clicking on the archives links on the right in case you missed anything.

The Peevery is Gone?!

2006-03-09T10:37:00.000-08:00

Have we been booted off our domain? Stupid Internet pirates seem to have kidnapped thepeevery.com. I wanna read some archives and click some links in the blogroll. But NO, thepeevery.com seems to be no more.

Pffflbbt.

The grassy knoll

2006-03-09T10:06:00.000-08:00

I alternate between three radio stations on my drive to work. How is it even possible that all have gone to commercials at the same time? HOW? And is Lee Harvey Oswald really dead?

A gentle warning

2006-03-08T12:32:00.000-08:00

If I find another blue glob of Colgate in the sink, there will be a very serious accident here in Lockport, New York.

Stupidity Abounds

2006-03-08T07:49:00.000-08:00

Let's say there are two versions of the same document in a folder. One version is dated 8/2005. The other is dated 10/2005 and is clearly marked 'updated.'

Is there really a need for TWO separate emails to me alone (not counting all the inner email bullshit) asking which version to use?

The Shut-It-Down Ratio

2006-03-07T17:37:00.000-08:00

I have already honked my horn at five different jackasses while driving today. Two of those bastards got double honks for their incredible idiocy, bringing us up to a grand total of seven honks in 30 miles of driving, which breaks down to one honk for every 4.28 miles driven. That brutal ratio is the reason that I have absolutely no motivation to go anywhere but my couch for the rest of the night.

Shocking

2006-03-07T16:53:00.000-08:00

I don't mind winter. But I do wish the static electricity would go away. I just shocked myself so badly that the resulting spark could have provided light for an entire 3rd world country.

Bad feeling...

2006-03-07T14:19:00.000-08:00

There is little worse than talking on the phone to a slow talker, trying to explain a not really complicted retirement thing to them and having that sudden feeling that if you don't go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW there was going to be a lot of problems in the office. Really, what's the professional way to say "Um I'd love to help you but right now I have to GO I'll call you back in 10 no make it 20."

O! Target! How hast thou failed me?

2006-03-07T13:24:00.000-08:00

This dress, currently on sale at Target, is the same exact style as a dress I wore to a homecoming dance in high school. I believe the year was 1989. Mine was black with a floral print, but I did so love the pouf at the bottom.

Phone Calls

2006-03-07T11:11:00.000-08:00

I work 7.5 hours a day. (That is the standard for my college this is full time.) On most given days the phone does not ring but maybe once or twice - five times would be a BUSY day for me. For some reason today whenever anyone has been in to talk to me, the phone rang a minimum of 3 times each person.

Also, completely unrelated, between not eating too much the last 3 days, doing a lot of physically demanding work on Sunday and drinking far too much Sunday night, my stomach is a little unhappy with me. Poor stomach, I suppose I deserve all it is dishing out right now.

Multi-Tasking? More like running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

2006-03-07T08:56:00.000-08:00

I realize that any administrative position is going to require a certain ability to multi-task. It comes with the territory. In fact, I get bored if I don't have to multi-task. Three or four things on the go at once? No problem. But my job description keeps expanding to the point where I'm trying to run in twelve different (i.e. entirely unrelated) directions at once. How on earth do you expect me to keep everything from falling through the cracks? Here's an idea - hire a second person to take some of these things on so that I can concentrate on something for one damn second.

Velcro

2006-03-06T16:49:00.000-08:00

I was watching a movie over the weekend (and I have absolutely no memory of the name of it) and this kid was a millionaire because he invented noiseless velcro. Given the 5 GIANT velcro straps on the boot (leg brace thing for my Achilles Tendonitis or as I referred to it recently I have Achilles Tendonitis in my Achilles Tendon), I totally wish there was such a thing. (I also kind of would like it if the pokey part didn't stick to EVERYTHING.) The only really funny thing about this velcro is that Tess (ferret) is both fascinated and frightened by it. She comes running when she hears the first strap to see what I'm doing then she hides then she comes back and then she hides. That part is kind of funny.

I guess I don't need a housekeeper after all.

2006-03-06T11:48:00.000-08:00

All I need is for one of my relatives to threaten to come over at least once a week and then I will race around and get the house in order so that said relative will not think that we are slobs.

I Hate the Government*

2006-03-06T10:28:00.000-08:00

Why is every other page of a government web site in .pdf format? Just make it a regular freaking HTML page already!

*Great, now this blog is probably flagged for monitoring for subversive activity.

Oscar pics.

2006-03-06T09:17:00.000-08:00

So I go to MSN.com to see the Red Carpet pics since I missed the Oscars due to boozing it up with firefighters. So what do I see in the beginning. All these head shots. I know what Jennifer Aniston's face looks like I want to know if she's wearing a bad-for-her-coloring dress like Michelle Williams or if she looks like a bombshell like Jessica Alba.

Stick, damn it!

2006-03-06T08:16:00.000-08:00

I bought the strips this weekend that you put on your teeth to make your teeth whiter. So yesterday, I break them out and get the one on my top teeth, no problem. But the one on my bottom teeth just does not stick well. And my hubby had the same problem. Great, now I'm going to have bright and shiny white top teeth, and half assed white bottom teeth. Sigh. Such is my life.

Mathematically Challenged

2006-03-03T15:25:00.000-08:00

I need to review my math skills and stop using the fact that I am a teacher of English as an excuse. I think I got screwed in a major way while doing the check with friends at lunch today. I need to either brush up on my skills or carry a freaking calculator. Dumb ass.

Not a Peeve about the Husband

2006-03-03T09:36:00.000-08:00

After reading some recent posts and comments here and on your own blogs, I have to say, my marriage is relatively calm and problem-free. My husband's assessment of it might be slightly different, especially considering that he caught me taking his last Diet Coke this morning because I was all out of Diet Pepsi, but at least I don't get woken up at 5 AM or yelled at for leaving dishes in the sink.

Memo: To All So. Cal. Drivers

2006-03-03T08:29:00.000-08:00

From: Heather

When you get in your car, and notice those drops of water falling from the sky and hitting your windshield, that is called rain. Please note that when it rains, you must refrain from going 85 miles per hour, swerving in and out of traffic, tailgating, breaking at the last minute, all while speaking on your cell phone. If you can follow this simple rule, it will make commuting in the rain much easier, and it will not take two fucking hours to get to work!

Thanks for your cooperation.

Stardom

2006-03-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

Joanne's post from 2/15 was quoted in an article in a newspaper (Cleveland's The Plain Dealer).

Never Have, Never Will

2006-03-02T16:23:00.000-08:00

Try as I might, I just can't like Dave Matthews.

Seriously, Stupid

2006-03-02T11:14:00.000-08:00

Read my fucking email before calling me to ask what the deal is. My email addressed everything and put the issue to rest; there was no need for you to fucking call me and ask what was going on.

Also, I don't care if you have 5 more classes to go before you get your MBA; had you not been a complete imbecile, you would have finished when I did - 11 months ago.

Jackass.

'fess up

2006-03-02T10:20:00.000-08:00

Is there anyone who actually lies about his or her age? I don't lie about it. I might joke about it, but I don't have an issue with admitting that I am 31 and, even though I do joke about it, I don't even really care.

There is one blogger here who I know is sensitive about his or her age and who I would suspect of lying about his or her age to people who do not know him or her.

I really hate you!

2006-03-02T09:45:00.000-08:00

Dear Fruit Loop,

1. We do cover 100% of tuition for 6 credits per quarter. Just because the IRS mandates we tax you on that is not our issue.
2. We do cover 100% of your medical/dental & vision. You don't pay for this coverage. You having a co-pay and a deductible does not change that. There is no company anywhere that I can think of that does not have you at least pay co-pays and deductibles. Get over it.
3. I don't care if her spouse does work here, your dentist is an idiot. It is bad business practices for the insurance to reject claims over and over just so they can 'hold onto their money.' She's clearly doing something wrong. (Especially if EVERY insurance company she has does this to her.)
4. You are not being deceived! Get a grip!

Thank you,
Your loving benefits office.

Hey Wednesday, your family is calling

2006-03-02T07:48:00.000-08:00

We have this temp in our department, who reminds me of Wednesday Adams. She's got the dark hair and this sort of creepy air about her. If I'm on the phone and she has a question, she will just stand in front of my desk and wait for me to get off.

If I am in the middle of conversation with someone else, even when it's work related, she'll stand there and creepily wait. (Even if it's my boss, who is a VP)

But the thing she does that pisses me off the most, is when she comes to my desk for supplies or to use my label maker, which I have repeatedly told her she can borrow and return when she is done, but she then sits on the part of my desk that is behind me and does stuff. WTF? Do you want someone lurking behind you? Do you invite people you don't know, or like, to sit on your desk? How the hell am I supposed to goof off and post peeves with your nasty ass plopped on my desk?

You come back here one more time and I am so calling Gomez and Mortitia.

Legal-ass

2006-03-01T11:48:00.000-08:00

Would it kill you to respond to email requests like a normal human being? Is it so hard to start a reply with "Dear so and so," maybe add a thank you or "sincerely" at the end? One terse sentence is not the proper way to respond to people, you tool! Is this what you learned in law school? No, it's just your personality, or lack thereof.

Damn Pencil Eraser!

2006-03-01T11:15:00.000-08:00

What the hell is that annoying pencil eraser thing on the laptop keyboard and is there any way to disable it? I hate those fucking things!

Watching Little Girls With Bad Intent

2006-03-01T09:14:00.000-08:00

In my first 28 years of life I don't think I ever heard the song "Hey, Aqualung" by Jethro Tull. Now that I listen to classic rock all day at work, I hear it once or twice every day. With my co-worker out sick for the last four days I was able to happily listen to other stations. But when I walked in this morning, classic rock was back on and, surprise, surprise, "Hey, Aqualung" was playing. God I hate that song. If I hear it again today, I might burn this place down or change the station.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

2006-03-01T09:04:00.000-08:00

This morning I was talking with the other person who does new hire orientation with me. She asked the repercussions of doing it only once a month. I told her I'd have to do a lot more one on one benefit appointments to catch anyone who may have missed orientation and wouldn't want to wait the month until the next one. Apparently she & her boss (who is not my boss) have been discussing ways to make new hire orientation more meaningful. They want to go to a longer program but only once a month. This annoys me for so many reasons...
1 - It affects me yet I have not been in on the discussions.
2 - When asked for what she means by 'more meaningful' she couldn't really tell me.
but 3 - Told me to think about it.
4 - It is new hire orientation. It is supposed to be nuts & bolts. They get meaning from the Mission & Ministry thing.
We are not amused.

Gosh! Idiot!

2006-03-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

I was just put through to a supplier named Chris on the phone, and Chris's voice answered "Chris [lastname]" very cheerily, so I started my conversation. "Hi, Chris, it's Rachel calling from..." and was interrupted with "...is on the phone. Please leave a message after the tone."

Bah! Stumped by the mighty voicemail nametag!

Dearest Husband,

2006-03-01T05:36:00.000-08:00

When I wake during a work week at 5:00 am, I ever so quietly move through our bedroom so as not to wake you. I carefully shut the bathroom door so the bright lights do not disturb you. It's what I do for love.

Well, this is my school vacation week honey and I've really earned this well deserved respite. That said, since you have found it necessary to turn on every light, talk to the dog, blow dry your hair with the bathroom door open and lights glaring and toss the clothes you want to wear right on the bed, Monday morning is going to be a field day for me.

I will really need to watch the news at a reasonable volume for my hearing, I get dressed faster with some tunes blasting and I think my allergies and loud sneezing might be an issue after a week's rest.

You wanna play cowboy...saddle up.

With Love,

Chattykins

Count Your Lucky Stars 2

2006-02-28T23:06:00.000-08:00

Dear Fuckhead in the gray Maxima (I'm not joking, it really was a guy in a gray Maxima just like Heather's dude),

You are one lucky son-of-a-bitch today. You should be thanking me for obeying the speed limit, otherwise you would have been caught doing at least 50 through a school zone. Instead, you tailgated me past a speed trap, zoomed around me when the turn lane opened up barely missing the left side of my bumper, and shot me one nasty look on the way by.

Well fuck you, fuck your mother, fuck your father, fuck your sister/wife, fuck your inbred child and fuck your dog you mullet-wearing, NASCAR-wannabe-driving, white trash (What kind of self respecting white trash drives a Nissan Maxima anyway?) douchebag.

Brandon

Slightly misleading...

2006-02-28T15:28:00.000-08:00

So I went online to make the reservations for the San Diego portion of the Great American Family Vacation That May Make Me an Alcoholic (GAFVTMMMAA for short) and there was a link to a 10% coupon. I had already opened up a web reservation, but not submitted it so I called the 800 number to see if I could get a better deal. Not so much. The rates quoted to me if I reserved through the operator were higher than the rates being quoted to me online. As a result, the 10% wasn't worth going through the phone person rather than online. I don't care that you want to 'encourage' us to go through the online system, but it kind of defeats that if you have a coupon that encourages us to call.

H2O

2006-02-28T14:55:00.000-08:00

When I dispense water from the water cooler, it should be cold, not room temperature!

Font You!

2006-02-28T13:28:00.000-08:00

I don't like the font on this page.

Crap, it starts tomorrow.

2006-02-28T12:01:00.000-08:00

What should I give up for Lent this year?

Why ask why?

2006-02-28T11:23:00.000-08:00

Why is it that whenever I having a poop emergency, the cleaning lady is in the bathroom, or comes in the bathroom after me? And then I sit there quietly and try not to explode. Then I courtesy flush (shout out to Michael), and she still waits. WTF? Can't you just check the stall I am in on your next go round? Fine, if you want to smell it, it's your perogative, Bobby Brown.

Count your lucky stars

2006-02-28T11:01:00.000-08:00

Dear Fuckhead in the gray Maxima,

You don't know this, but you should be shouting your thanks to whatever higher power you believe in because if you had clipped me this morning when you decided to change lanes instead of stopping like everyone else, I so would have punched you in your fucking head. I just got my car back from the auto body shop because someone else rearended me two weeks ago. Now get off your stupid phone and actually pay attention to your driving, jackass!

Thoroughly annoyed,

Heather

Slow down, jackass.

2006-02-28T10:20:00.000-08:00

This is a parking garage, not a racetrack.

Make Up Your Damn Mind

2006-02-28T09:39:00.000-08:00

I've had this cold/flu thing going on for weeks now. Each time I think that it is going away, I get all excited only to wake up the next day feeling worse than I did initially. I just want to feel normal again. Is that too much to ask? Normalcy? I HATE being sick. Drugs don't even help anymore.

Where's Pam Anderson When You Need Her?

2006-02-28T09:14:00.000-08:00

I hate KFC. This has nothing to do with PETA, chicken farms, or the state of Kentucky. There is a KFC at the end of my street that, in the two plus years I have lived there, I have never set foot inside. Until last night. And it wasn't even for me, but to pick up food from my friend. Uh, do they pay people based on how long it takes to put together an order? Is it necessary to go in the back for one item, come back to place it in a bag, then go to the back for the next item? I could cook this meal in the time it took to wait through each customer and finally get my order. And that was after trying to wade through the buckets on the floor to catch all the leaks in the roof from the rain--this place was just remodeled! I hate KFC.

go back to sleep, dammit

2006-02-28T05:19:00.000-08:00

I love my son very much. But the wide-awake at 5am routine is getting really fucking old.

Seriously.

2006-02-27T15:16:00.000-08:00

Those Sunnis and Shiites need chill the fuck out.

No really sometimes it is you.

2006-02-27T11:15:00.000-08:00

Honestly, if everybody else is reporting the same problem with the information you've provided it isn't because they are playing games. It is because you are an idiot and reporting the information incorrectly or incompletely.

Crunch, crunch, crunch

2006-02-27T10:38:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you don't hear a noise until someone else points it out. And once they've pointed it out all you can do is focus on that noise. For example, I've lived where I live for 3 years and I no longer notice the sirens up and down the street. There are 2 major hospitals just up the hill from me and my road is a main road to them. However when someone does point out the noise I spend days focusing on it every time I hear one. Eventually it fades back into the background. So the new noise that's driving me crazy. The new one I hadn't heard before lately. The crunching sound in my left knee. I had never noticed it, but the physical therapist pointed it out one day. Now I notice it every time I bend my fucking knee. I want to go back to not hearing it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Comfort food, my ass.

2006-02-27T10:27:00.000-08:00

Hot Chocolate,

Cool off already! I don't have all day.

Thanks,
Michelle

What the hell?

2006-02-27T08:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Big Ass Zit,

This note serves as your eviction notice. Please vacate my chin within the next two days, and take all your friends with you, or I will be forced to call the acne police. No one invited you and you are far from welcome, so please leave.

Angrily yours,

Heather

It's All My Fault

2006-02-26T20:37:00.000-08:00

I will take full blame for The Peevery disaster of 2006. Not because I did anything (I don't think), but because I always take the blame for stupid things that happen just so we can move forward. I do it at work all the time. I've done it every week since starting my new job just so I don't have to hear my boss bitch and moan about how stupid the others are. Nothing ever happens to me whereas the others might get a nasty lecture or even worse. I can't allow that to happen because it would just make my day suck even more. There is nothing like three women angry at each other sitting at their desks pouting all day long.

Dogs

2006-02-26T14:11:00.000-08:00

I used to like dogs. In the last 2.5 years I have had a yappy dog living across the hall from me. In the form of 3 different dogs actually, Cujo, Barkey and New Dog. (My nicknames for them not their real names.) I don't think I can like dogs anymore. Damn neighbors.

Upgrading a peeve

2006-02-26T09:03:00.000-08:00

I know I've peeved in the past about people who don't clear out the lint traps in the laundry room. But then it was just a minor household peeve. In the last 2 - 3 months it has become a bigger peeve and today it joins the ranks of words on asses and random stoppers as a biggest peeve ever. Every fucking time I've been down doing laundry (every Sunday morning before 8 AM) in the last couple of months when I go to move my clothes from the washer to dryer I discover someone hasn't cleaned their lint traps. Fuckers.

Mercedes Driver

2006-02-25T09:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. Mercedes Driver,

I realize you drive a fancy schmancy car that you probably paid a lot of money for and is a real chick magnet since it is a convertible. However, a red light means stop no matter who you are. It doesn't mean roll through most of the intersection on the way to make your right turn so that you are blocking the crosswalk and actually forcing the pedestrians who have the right of way to stop. Next time it happens, I may have to bang on your trunk a couple of times and if my keys happen to be in my hand when I do it, so be it. Jackass.

Thanks,
A slightly disgruntled pedestrian

Very loud

2006-02-24T16:47:00.000-08:00

Power tools in my kitchen.

The upside is.

I'm getting my kitchen back.

Meet Doug

2006-02-24T14:40:00.000-08:00

I have a huge pimple. It may actually be a second head growing out of my cheek, I can't be sure. I swear, I'm waiting for it to start talking me into sneaking out at night to cause trouble like Chris in Family Guy.

Just have some freakin' patience will ya!

2006-02-24T13:39:00.000-08:00

Crikey. One of the things I hate about my job is the fact that people don't really grasp that just because they are now employed their benefits are all set up for them. No. It doesn't work that way. One has to fill out a form and turn it in to me. I have to turn it into the insurance company. They have to enter the information. Don't call me 5 minutes before your doctor's appointment asking what your benefit info is when you've never even enrolled. Similarly if you have turned in a form, but don't have a card yet, hold off on making an appointment until you get one. It is usually only 7 - 10 business days later. You can't wait that long?

Space Invaders

2006-02-24T13:13:00.000-08:00

You were not part of the conversation, so do not butt your nose in where it wasn't asked to be stuck. Learn boundaries. This is my desk and if there is a paper, a brochure or a fucking million dollar bill sitting on the top of it, do not put your grubby hands on it. Do not pick it up. Do not pass go and collect the million dollars. What the hell is wrong with people?

I'm going to whine like a baby now

2006-02-23T18:20:00.000-08:00

I have no counters and no sink. I have no dishwasher or ice maker. Last night I had a bathtub full of dishes. Now I have a dirty bathtub.
I keep throwing things into the sink only to remember there's no sink there.
I have to fill my coffee pot in the bathroom sink.
It's going to be pretty. But for now it's just annoying.

And it's all because of you, jackass.

2006-02-23T16:20:00.000-08:00

I really, really need the anonymity of the Unknown Peever RIGHT NOW.

Do What You Want?

2006-02-23T12:29:00.000-08:00

Is there really such a thing as customer service? When managers receive complaints do they really listen? Do people get in trouble? Fired? Beaten? I wish I was somebody's boss so I could kick some ass just to say it was done.

There are some things money can't buy...

2006-02-23T10:07:00.000-08:00

Two round-trip tickets to sister's city: $793.81
Cabs to and from airports: $70.00
Dinner out: $98.75
Small gifts for sister's family: $31.25

Spending one-third of your vacation alternately flat on your back in bed and bent over a toilet bowl: Priceless.

Where's the ejector seat when you need one?

2006-02-23T10:04:00.000-08:00

Lady sitting across the aisle from me on the plane:

You are a loudmouth, obnoxious woman who seems to have many travel problems that none of the rest of us on the plane care about. It is a small plane and we are trapped with you on it for the next hour and a half, so have a vodka and shut yer trap!

Server Issues My Ass

2006-02-23T09:45:00.000-08:00

I think Down With Pants Brandon must have broken the Peevery.

Peeve Relief

2006-02-23T09:20:00.000-08:00

Good lord, I thought I was going to have a heart attack from not being able to peeve.

Here it is, quickly:
Move the fuck over! Slower traffic keep right. Don't talk with your mouthful. What do you mean you postponed my project and why the fuck did I find out about it from the developer? Where the hell is my razor? Gray hairs, do not come in at my hairline; hide yourselves in the back.

Emergency Broadcast System

2006-02-21T22:07:00.000-08:00

The Peevery is having some server issues. Even though it looks like business as usual over there, none of us can log in. I hope it will be cleared up within the next day or so. Don't give up on us. We will be much more pissed off when this over.

In the meantime, why not check out the archives here on this old thing and over at the new house.

Yo

2005-10-07T13:07:00.000-07:00

Check out the Peevery. We moved this operation a long time ago.

Audition Time Again!

2005-08-30T13:18:00.000-07:00

We are holding auditions to add new peevers to the roster. If you are interested, clearly you should head over to the The Peevery and quit wasting your time on this old thing.

The Peevery

2005-04-05T15:01:00.000-07:00

We have moved! The Peevery is now open for business. I hearby proclaim this blog moved the fuck off of Blogger, the most unreliable web application I have ever used. We will now be manufacturing peeves at The Peevery. Please check it out and update your links accordingly.

However...

2005-04-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

All of the archived posts didn't make it over to the new site, and the ones that did make it, came without comments, so please check out the archives for past peeves.

Please Stay Tuned

2005-03-28T11:47:00.000-08:00

Peeves are temporarily halted while we move to our new location.

Genuine Condundrum

2005-03-28T09:40:00.000-08:00

I like the new Paris Hilton perfume. I didn't want to like it. But I do. Even though I hate her. So now I'm faced with - do I buy the perfume and add to a stupid rich girl's fortune? Or do I not, and deny myself something I truly like?

Sigh. Woe is me.

Oh

2005-03-27T16:29:00.000-08:00

and quit leaving the door open, you're letting in flies!

Multiple choice quiz for my husband

2005-03-27T15:54:00.000-08:00

Do you think a good time to use a power saw would be:

a. When I'm watching TV

b. When I'm sleeping

The best choice of c. When I'm not home is not currently available, so work with what you've got. Think hard. Your happiness may depend on it.

Nothing's ever easy, is it?

2005-03-26T18:19:00.000-08:00

Just as my seething rage at my dentist subsided, I received in the mail a card from the receptionist apologizing for the other day. Enclosed was a $60 gift certificate to a shmancy restaurant across the street from my office. If she gets me the rest of the reimbursement for that one charge, I might not ditch them after all.

I didn't get into one of the two film schools to which I applied.

The husband brought those two pieces of mail directly to me in the back of the house, then he left to go to Home Depot. I ventured to the front of the house and saw the rest of the mail. There was a Pottery Barn catalog. He brought me that crap when there was a Pottery Barn catalog to be had? After all these years, does he not know me at all? What's he going to bring home for dinner, chicken livers and beef tongue?

The excitement is killing me

2005-03-26T10:06:00.000-08:00

Is there anything better than cleaning bathrooms on a Saturday morning when you've got bronchitis and are slightly hungover and your husband is working on his nine million dollar order so don't even think about asking for help but you have company coming so you can't put it off any longer?

I may have to revise my freebie list, which now contains Brad Pitt, The Rock and Johnny Rzeznick of the The Goo Goo Dolls.

2005-03-24T16:59:00.000-08:00

If I were going to hook up with a male celebrity:

If I were going to hook up with a female celebrity:

Shout out to yankeebob, with whom I will not be hooking up for myriad reasons, but who posted this on his blog.

Huge Wang Will Never Drill My Mouth Again

2005-03-24T15:20:00.000-08:00

So, I am still pretty pissed at my dentist, Dr. Hugh H. Wang, for moving his office without telling me. Oh, and for telling me something was covered 50% by my insurance when it was not. Today, I show up for my 3 pm appointment right on time and I am told to wait in the waiting room - I normally get right in. So, I am flipping through a magazine and the receptionist comes back out and tells me that they have to reschedule. My office is ten minutes away. They could have called me before I left, before I went down the parking garage and lost my parking spot. I have a cell phone. They could have called me while I was on the way, before I circled the block, found a spot, put change in the meter and jaywalked across the street. She could have told me before I sat down and picked up a magazine and read one paragraph of an interesting article.

Seriously, fuck them. I already paid up front for my invisalign and that is all the business he is getting from me. I don't care if I have to drive fifty fucking miles every time I need a cleaning, I am going back to my old dentist.

Not enough postage

2005-03-24T13:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Mailroom,

It is YOUR job to put the postage on the envelope. When an envelope is returned because of not enough postage, don't send it back to my office. Put enough postage on it and put it back in the mail. DUH!

Thanks,
Slightly disgruntled me.

Thank God Lent is Nearly Over

2005-03-23T19:43:00.000-08:00

Buy This Book

2005-03-22T21:06:00.001-08:00

Because I wrote it. Ok, I didn't write the whole thing. I wrote one essay that is contained in the book, which means I am a real paid writer now. Well, I will be a paid writer as soon as someone buys the book. One day, I hope to be able to buy a six-pack of Diet Pepsi with my earnings. (It should be noted here that our own peeved blogger, David, has 38 essays in the book and did most of the actual work. A former peeved blogger, Nikki, also did a lot of the work.)

You can buy the book on Amazon and Barnes & Noble in about six weeks, but right now you can buy it directly from the publisher for a buck cheaper.

We and GWB: notes from the first four years.

In 1998, "Clark Schpiell productions" was founded as an online humor magazine. For nearly two years, its writers published cartoons, humorous essays and the occasional movie review. After the 2000 elections, this exceedingly silly site began to transform as its writers became aware of the potential impact of George W. Bush's policies on the future of the United States of America, her people, and the world. With the 9/11 terrorist attacks and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, more and more political essays were published and, as the critical 2004 elections approached, CSP's newfound activism rose to a climax. This book collects many of those political essays into one volume which, with commentary by CSP founder David Nett, chronicles the story of a handful of young people and their sudden political awakening in George W. Bush's America.

One last peeve before I go on vacation

2005-03-22T16:19:00.000-08:00

I had a regularly scheduled GYN visit today. Normal stuff, except my doctor gave me a prescription for a mammogram. Apparently it's now common practice to make women my age have mammos. I'm only 35 for Christ's sake!

I feel old.

I just thought of this

2005-03-22T16:15:00.000-08:00

It just dawned on me that this week and next is school vacation week for many students across the USA. Don't you think that it's just the perfect time to go to Disney World for a week? If I'm not back posting this time next week I am either dead or still in line to ride "It's a Small World".

Wish me luck!

We're number 2

2005-03-22T15:54:00.000-08:00

It's pouring outside. Given we were about a tenth of an inch from second place on the wettest season ever in LA, I think we're there. Only about 3 inches to go for number one. Great.

Boo Hoo Hoo

2005-03-22T14:42:00.000-08:00

I can't think of a reason why I would ever attend a candlight vigil for anything. What good are they anyway?

Wardrobe malfunction

2005-03-22T10:51:00.000-08:00

The tank top I was wearing today has lace around the neck. Lace that was driving my peeling sunburn crazy. Lace that was driving me crazy. It has been removed and sweater has been buttoned up. Ahh blessed relief.

Right Down the Middle

2005-03-22T09:18:00.000-08:00

I was talking to my accountant last night about the tax implications of doing contract work over having regular employment. He was for it and in the course of our conversation, he uttered a sentence that at once managed to be extremely Republican and extremely Democratic. He said, "You want to keep as much of the money you earn as you can. You don't want it going to the government just to fund another bomb that's going to kill people."

Relationships That Last

2005-03-22T00:11:00.000-08:00

I have had the same alarm clock since I was 12 years old. My mom bought it at the drug store for nine dollars. It has two stickers on it - a tomato and a frog - from when I was in high school. It's late. I hope that tonight isn't the night that it finally craps out.

It's Showtime, Baby!

2005-03-21T19:08:00.000-08:00

DirecTV gave us Showtime for free for three months as a gift for sticking with them for one year. I am sure that is just enough time to get us hooked on Showtime original programming so that we are forced to pay for it when the three months are up.

So far, Fat Actress is crap and The L Word rocks.

Timing is Everything

2005-03-21T17:41:00.000-08:00

If I accept a meeting rom 4-5, I fully expect to be out of there no later than 5:15. So if we're still there at 6:22, you will see me yawn and roll my eyes.

Asshat.

It's not going to be the happiest place on earth

2005-03-21T16:17:00.000-08:00

I have bronchitis. I am leaving for Orlando in 36 hours. Son of a bitch!

Kids at my workplace

2005-03-21T15:40:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I get it... You are a student... You have 2 kids... You are trying to get your registration or whatever accomplished. But please for the love of Pete... pay attention to the 2 kids. I so could've walked off with one or the both of them as they walked up my staircase and proceeded to run around the catwalk. Now these aren't kids of what I would consider to be self-entertaining age... they weren't 9 or 10. They were early toddler age and maybe 4. Good thing I'm not a crazy pervy mcperv...

CSI: California

2005-03-21T10:26:00.001-08:00

With CSI Miami filming around the corner, it makes this post seem more appropriate. Between your gum smacking, your excruciatingly loud keyboard and your legs shaking so hard that your chair sqeaks, Alien officemate I am going to kill you. Since you are not of this planet, I am hoping there will be no discernible DNA.

Cashish

2005-03-19T21:13:00.000-08:00

I HATE when people rip up checks or otherwise don't take the money in movies. Say what you have to say, but take the money anyway. Cripes.

Bitch

2005-03-18T13:18:00.000-08:00

You know, I hate you. I hate that you poisoned my day yesterday with your bitchy rant on the phone about what you will and will not do, and about who ratted you out to our boss, and about who pissed you off. And I hate that you made someone feel really really badly today by yelling at her and just being mean when there was no reason for it. She felt bad about it, especially since you two have known each other for 20+ years and she thought you were friends.

But even more than all that, I hate you because you did a fraction of the work I did this week - at a fraction of the quality - and you've already left for the day.

I ate lunch with my boss's boss today - not because I'm a suck-up, which I'm really not that much of, but because I'm pleasant to be around. She knows you suck, so get prepared to take your sorry, whiny, complaining, ungrateful ass elsewhere.

Two Things

2005-03-18T09:36:00.000-08:00

First, this here dusty little blog is getting a surprise in a couple weeks and it is NOT the new template and blogging platform.

Second, something has come up that may hasten Stage 4, but I am not going to mention it until I know for sure, but wish me luck.

Hang Tough

2005-03-17T11:05:00.000-08:00

We are switching over to Movable Type. Cherry from
will start working on it next week. Better features! No Blogger! Added coolness!

Dear Blogger,

2005-03-17T09:10:00.000-08:00

Ok seriously. What the hell. Sadly, I only have a very limited time during my day to sit down and post. When I only have ten minutes to devote to contributing to Peevishness and Botheration, or my own blog for that matter, why do you have to take over ten minutes to load the page that I need? I sit and stare at Blogger Dashboard until I get so pissed off waiting that I have to just walk away from the computer other than risk smashing it to pieces. Then? When I want to comment here on another post? You make me wait another ten minutes. Again...I end up walking away. Just fuck you.

Toodles!
~JuJuBee~

Song...

2005-03-17T08:31:00.000-08:00

It is official, I hate the Gwen Stefani/Eve rendition of If I was a Rich Girl. It has been running through my head for about 3 days. And just when I think it is gone, there it is again. What I wouldn't give for Mambo #5 or Who Let the Dogs Out?

Mother Nature

2005-03-17T06:02:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, it was 40 degrees and I started thinking about getting my spring coats out.

Today, it's snowing.

Just call me Madonna

2005-03-17T05:21:00.000-08:00

My new bra seriously lifts and separates - I have two cones sticking out of my chest.

Afrolicious

2005-03-16T10:46:00.000-08:00

My hair is kind of frizzy today.

Seriously, I'm thinking about it.

2005-03-15T15:19:00.000-08:00

Does anyone have anything to say about typepad? Good or bad.