That reminds of a time when I was in Alaska and my friend Alice and I went to the mall. This gross, giant, freakshow lady walked into the bathroom just as Alice did. When Alice came out a minute later she looked like she was about to puke and said, "Oh my God! I could smell her coochie!" How's that for a scary Halloween tale?

Re: Smoker Lady
1- Our smoking beeatch does not go to the bathroom after she smokes, she goes straight to whatever meeting she is late for because she NEEDED to get in a quick (or not so quick) smoke before the meeting. She then makes the whole conference room stink and we can't open the door to let the stench out because we will be disturbing other people.
2- Once, when I caught her perfuming in her cube, I said, "What's that smell?" making the most disgusted face you can imagine on me. She said, "Oh, it's my Ralph Lauren hand lotion. I love it." She smiled as if we were old friends. I said, "It's really strong," with the same disgusted face. I think she said something about not using it anymore but I have definitely smelled it since. Fortunately, she is two cubes away now instead of right next to me. (Poor Adam and Paul.)