Ghetto Target
There are three different types of Target. The first Target is the comfortable Target of my childhood home. It is bigger than K-Mart, nicer than Wal-Mart and makes me happy just to be there. I can wander the aisles for hours and rarely leave with purchases totaling under $50.
Then there is the Target of my dreams. I first heard of this Target from Joanne. It is elephantine and marvelous. Two stories of splendiferous shopping adventures to be had. Jealousy made me say spiteful things about Seattle, the town that was home to this Holy Grail of retail centers. Several months later I encountered the fraternal twin of this target in Mission Hills in San Diego. I could see it from my hotel room at the conference I was attending for work. The concentric circles of the sign beckoning to me, pulling me toward the ample available parking. I found everything I needed there; so much underwear available in my size that I decided right then and there to replace my entire stock. I spent nearly $200 that day.
In the recent explorations of my new home town I have found what may be the best Target of them all. I hesitate to say for certain that it is The Best and you will soon see why. This Target has two stories like its brethen. It has wide, clean aisles. It has upscale signage and modern accoutrements not seen in sub-standard Targets. And. Get ready for it. This Target has its own parking garage. Four levels of parking spots filled with Jaguars and Audis, Range Rovers and Hummers. I vowed upon entering the hallowed grounds never to darken the door of any other Target but this one.
It always comes back to this, though, doesn’t it? Target failed me when I needed it most. The only two-door Simply Elegant bathroom cabinet in stock was in a box that had been half consumed by langoliers. I was forced to look for the cabinet elsewhere. I was forced to look for it at Ghetto Target.
The third type of Target I have encountered is much like Wal-Mart only smaller and more expensive. The cramped, soiled aisles were littered with suicidal merchandise, familial detritus and what may have been fecal matter. The parking lot is small and oddly arranged so that no matter where you park you are far from the entrance. The drainage is poor and results in craters of water to be traversed, the depths of which are deceiving and can swallow a small child whole.
I schlepped over to the Ghetto Target, a deceiving two miles away from Targetopia, in search of the two-door Simply Elegant bathroom cabinet. Holding my breath, I located the Home Improvement area lightning fast. I grabbed a one-door Simply Elegant bathroom cabinet (of course they had no two-doors) and headed for the check-out. After paying for my single item, a Target worker, or simply a hoodlum in a red shirt, asked me if I needed help out to my car. I averted my eyes, shook my head and got the hell out of there.
Then there is the Target of my dreams. I first heard of this Target from Joanne. It is elephantine and marvelous. Two stories of splendiferous shopping adventures to be had. Jealousy made me say spiteful things about Seattle, the town that was home to this Holy Grail of retail centers. Several months later I encountered the fraternal twin of this target in Mission Hills in San Diego. I could see it from my hotel room at the conference I was attending for work. The concentric circles of the sign beckoning to me, pulling me toward the ample available parking. I found everything I needed there; so much underwear available in my size that I decided right then and there to replace my entire stock. I spent nearly $200 that day.
In the recent explorations of my new home town I have found what may be the best Target of them all. I hesitate to say for certain that it is The Best and you will soon see why. This Target has two stories like its brethen. It has wide, clean aisles. It has upscale signage and modern accoutrements not seen in sub-standard Targets. And. Get ready for it. This Target has its own parking garage. Four levels of parking spots filled with Jaguars and Audis, Range Rovers and Hummers. I vowed upon entering the hallowed grounds never to darken the door of any other Target but this one.
It always comes back to this, though, doesn’t it? Target failed me when I needed it most. The only two-door Simply Elegant bathroom cabinet in stock was in a box that had been half consumed by langoliers. I was forced to look for the cabinet elsewhere. I was forced to look for it at Ghetto Target.
The third type of Target I have encountered is much like Wal-Mart only smaller and more expensive. The cramped, soiled aisles were littered with suicidal merchandise, familial detritus and what may have been fecal matter. The parking lot is small and oddly arranged so that no matter where you park you are far from the entrance. The drainage is poor and results in craters of water to be traversed, the depths of which are deceiving and can swallow a small child whole.
I schlepped over to the Ghetto Target, a deceiving two miles away from Targetopia, in search of the two-door Simply Elegant bathroom cabinet. Holding my breath, I located the Home Improvement area lightning fast. I grabbed a one-door Simply Elegant bathroom cabinet (of course they had no two-doors) and headed for the check-out. After paying for my single item, a Target worker, or simply a hoodlum in a red shirt, asked me if I needed help out to my car. I averted my eyes, shook my head and got the hell out of there.
2 Comments:
Target always fails you eventually. Our palatial 2-story Target has its own parking garage as well. My favorite thing, of course, is the shopping cart escalator. Ghetto Target sounds like the Ghetto Fred Meyer I frequent. Always just a tiny bit scary...
lol!!!
I have to drive far to get to a Target which I now understand to be a Ghetto Target, but I live right next to a WalMart...oh the joys.
lol, great post.
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