Faster, dammit!

Listen up, slow talkers: I do not have time to sit around and listen to you as it takes you 10 minutes to painfully squeeze out the simplest of questions. Drop the "ums", "uhs", "likes", "you knows", "sos" and spit it the fuck out already.  If I can go to the bathroom, wash my hands, fix my hair (okay, I don't ever really fix my hair except for when I get up in the morning and even then, not always) and get back to my desk in the time that it takes you to ask a question, you need to speed it up. Chances are, I don't even really want to help you so if I also have to ask you questions just to figure out what the hell you're asking, it's not going to end well. I will likely sigh and talk to you like you're two years old or look at you like you're from Missouri. There's this little thing called forethought- think about it, formulate the (shortest possible) question in your head and then ask me. Don't try to do both at the same time. It's like drinking and then trying to operate heavy machinery. Dangerous.