Cheaters
I am watching an Oprah that I have on TiVO from last week. The topic is women who have stayed with their cheating husbands. I am absolutely appalled. One man was cheating on his wife for 15 years. Another man cheated on his wife for 5 of the 7 years they have been married and he doesn't seem to want to give up that behavior.
Why do these women feel that it is ok to let someone treat them like that? Even if the men are so sorry and honestly vow to change their ways, why do these women want to be with men who would do something like that in the first place? I would never want to be the kind of person who would have such a casual disregard for the feelings of someone I cared about and I would not want to associate myself with that kind of person, let alone be married to that person.
On the radio last week, the morning show I listen to had Rabbi Schmuley as a guest. He basically said that men have to accept that if they ignore their wives, their wives are going to cheat. He was blaming the men for the wives' infidelity.
Not once on either one of these shows did someone say, "It is NOT ok to cheat on your spouse!" How fundamental is that? It is NOT ok to cheat on your spouse. It's right in the vows you say on the first day of your marriage... forsaking all others. It isn't forsaking all others until your husband stops paying attention to you, or forsaking all others until you have a baby and your wife starts devoting her life to the baby, or forsaking all others until you meet your real soul mate, or forsaking all others until you feel like your wife doesn't understand you anymore. It is an unqualified, unequivocal forsaking of all others. How hard is it to understand that there are absolutely no circumstances whatsoever in which it is ok to cheat?
Regardless of the reasons cheaters give for their behavior, it is ALWAYS the cheater's fault. The other spouse, the one being cheated on, no matter how shrewish, how inattentive, how abusive has NO BLAME WHATSOEVER in this situation. Is the cheated on person a horrible spouse? Maybe, but that does not give the other spouse the right to cheat! If you are having a problem in your marriage talk to your spouse. Get counseling. Just leave. Whatever. But cheating? What is this? High school? Grow the fuck up already.
So many of the men said they were doing it for the rush, the excitement. Ridiculous. Why are some women so willing to forgive this? And I don't, for one second, buy the "for the children" excuse. One of the children of the older couple on Oprah said that, in the beginning, what he learned from it was that it is ok to mess around on your wife. Wow. Way to teach your children about marriage and family. No, I don't have any children and if I did I might feel differently, but I wouldn't be a different person. I am certain that one of the things I would never want to teach my theoretical children is that it is ok for someone to lie to them, to betray them and to hurt them, nor would I want to teach them that it is ok for them to treat other people that way.
One woman in the audience of Oprah said that she left her husband of 32 years when she discovered he was cheating on her. Oprah asked if he had confessed. No, the woman found out on her own. Oprah asked if it would have made a difference if he had. The woman said, "No. How could I stay with a man like that?" Tell it, sister.
Why do these women feel that it is ok to let someone treat them like that? Even if the men are so sorry and honestly vow to change their ways, why do these women want to be with men who would do something like that in the first place? I would never want to be the kind of person who would have such a casual disregard for the feelings of someone I cared about and I would not want to associate myself with that kind of person, let alone be married to that person.
On the radio last week, the morning show I listen to had Rabbi Schmuley as a guest. He basically said that men have to accept that if they ignore their wives, their wives are going to cheat. He was blaming the men for the wives' infidelity.
Not once on either one of these shows did someone say, "It is NOT ok to cheat on your spouse!" How fundamental is that? It is NOT ok to cheat on your spouse. It's right in the vows you say on the first day of your marriage... forsaking all others. It isn't forsaking all others until your husband stops paying attention to you, or forsaking all others until you have a baby and your wife starts devoting her life to the baby, or forsaking all others until you meet your real soul mate, or forsaking all others until you feel like your wife doesn't understand you anymore. It is an unqualified, unequivocal forsaking of all others. How hard is it to understand that there are absolutely no circumstances whatsoever in which it is ok to cheat?
Regardless of the reasons cheaters give for their behavior, it is ALWAYS the cheater's fault. The other spouse, the one being cheated on, no matter how shrewish, how inattentive, how abusive has NO BLAME WHATSOEVER in this situation. Is the cheated on person a horrible spouse? Maybe, but that does not give the other spouse the right to cheat! If you are having a problem in your marriage talk to your spouse. Get counseling. Just leave. Whatever. But cheating? What is this? High school? Grow the fuck up already.
So many of the men said they were doing it for the rush, the excitement. Ridiculous. Why are some women so willing to forgive this? And I don't, for one second, buy the "for the children" excuse. One of the children of the older couple on Oprah said that, in the beginning, what he learned from it was that it is ok to mess around on your wife. Wow. Way to teach your children about marriage and family. No, I don't have any children and if I did I might feel differently, but I wouldn't be a different person. I am certain that one of the things I would never want to teach my theoretical children is that it is ok for someone to lie to them, to betray them and to hurt them, nor would I want to teach them that it is ok for them to treat other people that way.
One woman in the audience of Oprah said that she left her husband of 32 years when she discovered he was cheating on her. Oprah asked if he had confessed. No, the woman found out on her own. Oprah asked if it would have made a difference if he had. The woman said, "No. How could I stay with a man like that?" Tell it, sister.
2 Comments:
I've always told myself that the 2 things that are absolute No's for me are cheating and abuse. In some respects, cheating is emotional abuse. Basically the cheatee is being convinced that he/she is worth so little that lying, cheating and breaking sacred vows is okay. I'll never understand how people cheat and/or stay with cheaters.
Fortunately, that is not the case with me. For the past few years, I have made around $10k more per year than my husband. He caught up this year with a retention bonus. Not that I suspect him of cheating. I'm just saying...
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