Please ignore me

Why do my neighbors think it's ok to stop me when I'm just going out to get the paper? I don't care what kind of wood you chose for your floor, and I certainly don't care how long it will take to order it. All I want is my paper and a cup of coffee. Do you not see me stealthily making my way back? Do you not notice how every time there's a two second pause in the conversation I practically run for my door? And I swear they lie in wait for me, because I check out the window first to see if the coast is clear. I make a dash for the driveway, grab the paper, run back, and...."Hey, Cindy!" Shit! He caught me! I need to train so I can run faster, pay the paperboy to throw it closer to the door, get up earlier, there's got to be something I can do! Sometimes I even resort to sending my kid out to get the paper. How sad is that? I need a backbone. Michelle, can I borrow yours?