Round 2 Auditions
We had some fine entries in Round 1 of the auditions to join the peeves blog. I admire your courage for letting someone like me decide your fate. With Round 2, we will step it up a bit and test your range. This is a two-parter.
- Post another peeve, with title, again paying attention to the general tone of the peeve posts on this blog. The subject of this post should be completely different from your last one and you should incorporate the feedback I provided on your Round 1 posts.
- Post something possibly embarrassing that reveals something about your personality. Something along these lines. (It is in your best interest to click on all four of those words.)
22 Comments:
Sorry, I'm anal-retentive: Are you looking for one new post or two?
Two! You can post them together with clear delineation in one comment, or you can post them separately in two comments. The choice is yours.
Ah, a choice.
Gracias, senorita.
I NEED PRIVACY
Dear Girl on the Elevator:
Yes, you.
I know that you know that I work on the first floor, and I also know that you work on the fourth floor. I am only coming up to the fourth floor so that I can use the bathroom, as there are too many women using the bathroom on the first floor. I need privacy. Stop looking at me funny, it's not like it's YOUR bathroom.
Piss off,
Jen14221
P.S. And yes, that WAS me that just farted.
Posted previously, in the wrong place b/c I'm a dumb-ass.
See post one minute before this one for feedback. Learn to scroll! Do not use "placenta" in a sentence! Blargh! (Don't worry, your question will not be held against you.)
Fun facts about Jen14221:
1. I'm 35 but I like to tell people I am 27 just so I can yell at them when they call me a liar.
2. I talk to the television.
3. I am always offering people $20 to do something ridiculous....my sister earned $20 once for eating some dried chili peppers and her ass bled for a week. Nine years later, I am still unforgiven.
4. If you do a Google search on "I Hate Boston", my blog is the #1 result.
5. I read "Star" Magazine and I am ashamed.
Michael,
Jen14221 and Jen3000 are one and the same - me!
P. Michelle gave me a little nickname just after she had some delicious salmon for lunch.
Wrong!
Hint: "Jen3000" and "Hey Ya!" combine to make a mildly humorous musical reference to 2004.
Dear Annoying-as-Fuck Class Member,
If we - as a class - agree to vote on different options, and one of them receives more votes than the other options...then that option is the winner. Yeah, I know it's a novel concept, to actually go with the option that HAD THE MOST VOTES. I'm sorry your vote was wasted on a stupid option that lost, but hey - that's tough shit. This ain't Florida. Your vote got counted.
And if you're wondering why your shitty option lost, I'll tell you - it's because no one wanted to make the groups big enough to force us to work with you. You and your big soupy brown eyes suck. You have an annoying laugh and you think you know it all and your clothing has shown off your belly - yes, I've seen that white flesh and shuddered - more than once.
So, quit your bitching and grow up.
Thanks,
KtP
I'm Mostly Perfect, Except...
...for when I get cream cheese in my hair while eating a bagel. Oh, and when I'm watching TV and something makes me cry. Okay, and when I chew gum in meetings. Um...and when I forget which states are blue and which are red. And when the sound of rain on my office window distracts me and I can't get anything done.
Other than that, though, I'm perfect.
Part, the first: Short, But Not Even Remotely SweetHATE!
HATE!HATE!HATE!
Is it necessary for the various tax collectors from the federal to city level to take $1415 from my piddling $5625 check that I got for enduring utter hell to teach three mind-sucking courses stretched out over three never-ending months?
HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAATE!
Part, the second: Hear It and Weep (otherwise known as Like It or Go Suck It)Why yes, gaping utility man staring through my front door, that WAS my heart-rending, show-stopping, Broadway-bound rendition of the under-appreciated musical, Chess. Now what the hell can I do for you?
Throws a couple break codes into the above comment. Gets peeved with Blogger that, when the comment was previewed, the breaks were there. Hates sloppy formatting.
I appreciated Chess.
It's A Crosswalk, StupidSee these white lines painted on the road? The ones that go all the way across, from one corner to the next? It's called a 'crosswalk', stupid, and I'm allowed to walk here. In fact, when I walk here you are required to yield to me.
I'm sorry you're late. I know the feeling of rushing to your next appointment and pedestrians bother me, too. But it's not my fault you're late. You should've left ten minutes earlier. But screeching to a stop right before you hit me and honking your horn is not going to get you there any faster. And I am walking across the street as quickly as I can. As I do every time. You should know, because it's been six times in the last three weeks that this has happened.
Just know this: the next time you honk at me while I'm in the crosswalk, I'm going to climb up on your hood and jump up and down until the police arrive. Thirty days in jail will be worth it. Asshat.
Don't you hate that you can't delete your own comments on this blog? That was something that disappeared when the new template went in. Any volunteers with mad skillz who would like to fix it?
I'm joining with HG in hating the crappy formatting. My line breaks were in my post, but Blogger ate them. Dammit!
First Blogger ate my formatting, now they've eaten my posts entirely. Let's try again:
10 Signs I've Lived Alone Too Long1. I open the blinds first thing in the morning, not realizing I'm still in my panties.
2. I get hungry for a taste of ice cream, then find myself ten minutes later eating out of the half-gallon container with the freezer open.
3. I use different voices to speak to each of the inanimate objects to which I've assigned personalities.
4. I talk to the TV during All My Children.
5. I make up songs about the household chores I'm doing. My vacuuming song is the best.
6. I started listening to Christmas music in October. Early October.
7. I spent part of last Saturday afternoon staring at my books, rearranging them, then starting at them some more.
8. Blogging is my most frequent contact with my friends.
9. I take long, hot bubble baths. With my toy boat. Which I play with.
10 Number 9 isn't a euphemism.
Matthew, is that 10 signs you've lived alone too long or 10 signs you're a girl?
Matthew - You might be my soul mate. Don't tell my husband.
Jujubee - Please know that while leash-hating rankles me, you were more my inspiration, my muse for my rant last night. If you insist on thinking otherwise, I will totally cut you.
Class - Assign little winky emoticons where needed.
Do NOT assign little winky emoticons ever for any reason.
Is that a challenge, Oh Grand High and Mighty Peeved Michelle? No winky emoticons? Hmmmm.
I just wanted to apologize for yesterday; apparently I may have insulted a few people. I would like to say that anyone who actually eats fish is NOT gross.
And I hope I did not offend anyone by suggesting that if you do eat fish, then you also smell like BV.
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