Count Your Lucky Stars 2

Dear Fuckhead in the gray Maxima (I'm not joking, it really was a guy in a gray Maxima just like Heather's dude),

You are one lucky son-of-a-bitch today. You should be thanking me for obeying the speed limit, otherwise you would have been caught doing at least 50 through a school zone. Instead, you tailgated me past a speed trap, zoomed around me when the turn lane opened up barely missing the left side of my bumper, and shot me one nasty look on the way by.

Well fuck you, fuck your mother, fuck your father, fuck your sister/wife, fuck your inbred child and fuck your dog you mullet-wearing, NASCAR-wannabe-driving, white trash (What kind of self respecting white trash drives a Nissan Maxima anyway?) douchebag.

Brandon

Slightly misleading...

So I went online to make the reservations for the San Diego portion of the Great American Family Vacation That May Make Me an Alcoholic (GAFVTMMMAA for short) and there was a link to a 10% coupon. I had already opened up a web reservation, but not submitted it so I called the 800 number to see if I could get a better deal. Not so much. The rates quoted to me if I reserved through the operator were higher than the rates being quoted to me online. As a result, the 10% wasn't worth going through the phone person rather than online. I don't care that you want to 'encourage' us to go through the online system, but it kind of defeats that if you have a coupon that encourages us to call.

H2O

When I dispense water from the water cooler, it should be cold, not room temperature!

Font You!

I don't like the font on this page.

Crap, it starts tomorrow.

What should I give up for Lent this year?

Why ask why?

Why is it that whenever I having a poop emergency, the cleaning lady is in the bathroom, or comes in the bathroom after me? And then I sit there quietly and try not to explode. Then I courtesy flush (shout out to Michael), and she still waits. WTF? Can't you just check the stall I am in on your next go round? Fine, if you want to smell it, it's your perogative, Bobby Brown.

Count your lucky stars

Dear Fuckhead in the gray Maxima,

You don't know this, but you should be shouting your thanks to whatever higher power you believe in because if you had clipped me this morning when you decided to change lanes instead of stopping like everyone else, I so would have punched you in your fucking head. I just got my car back from the auto body shop because someone else rearended me two weeks ago. Now get off your stupid phone and actually pay attention to your driving, jackass!

Thoroughly annoyed,

Heather

Slow down, jackass.

This is a parking garage, not a racetrack.

Make Up Your Damn Mind

I've had this cold/flu thing going on for weeks now. Each time I think that it is going away, I get all excited only to wake up the next day feeling worse than I did initially. I just want to feel normal again. Is that too much to ask? Normalcy? I HATE being sick. Drugs don't even help anymore.

Where's Pam Anderson When You Need Her?

I hate KFC. This has nothing to do with PETA, chicken farms, or the state of Kentucky. There is a KFC at the end of my street that, in the two plus years I have lived there, I have never set foot inside. Until last night. And it wasn't even for me, but to pick up food from my friend. Uh, do they pay people based on how long it takes to put together an order? Is it necessary to go in the back for one item, come back to place it in a bag, then go to the back for the next item? I could cook this meal in the time it took to wait through each customer and finally get my order. And that was after trying to wade through the buckets on the floor to catch all the leaks in the roof from the rain--this place was just remodeled! I hate KFC.

go back to sleep, dammit

I love my son very much. But the wide-awake at 5am routine is getting really fucking old.

Seriously.

Those Sunnis and Shiites need chill the fuck out.

No really sometimes it is you.

Honestly, if everybody else is reporting the same problem with the information you've provided it isn't because they are playing games. It is because you are an idiot and reporting the information incorrectly or incompletely.

Crunch, crunch, crunch

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you don't hear a noise until someone else points it out. And once they've pointed it out all you can do is focus on that noise. For example, I've lived where I live for 3 years and I no longer notice the sirens up and down the street. There are 2 major hospitals just up the hill from me and my road is a main road to them. However when someone does point out the noise I spend days focusing on it every time I hear one. Eventually it fades back into the background. So the new noise that's driving me crazy. The new one I hadn't heard before lately. The crunching sound in my left knee. I had never noticed it, but the physical therapist pointed it out one day. Now I notice it every time I bend my fucking knee. I want to go back to not hearing it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Comfort food, my ass.

Hot Chocolate,

Cool off already! I don't have all day.

Thanks,
Michelle

What the hell?

Dear Big Ass Zit,

This note serves as your eviction notice. Please vacate my chin within the next two days, and take all your friends with you, or I will be forced to call the acne police. No one invited you and you are far from welcome, so please leave.

Angrily yours,

Heather

It's All My Fault

I will take full blame for The Peevery disaster of 2006. Not because I did anything (I don't think), but because I always take the blame for stupid things that happen just so we can move forward. I do it at work all the time. I've done it every week since starting my new job just so I don't have to hear my boss bitch and moan about how stupid the others are. Nothing ever happens to me whereas the others might get a nasty lecture or even worse. I can't allow that to happen because it would just make my day suck even more. There is nothing like three women angry at each other sitting at their desks pouting all day long.

Dogs

I used to like dogs. In the last 2.5 years I have had a yappy dog living across the hall from me. In the form of 3 different dogs actually, Cujo, Barkey and New Dog. (My nicknames for them not their real names.) I don't think I can like dogs anymore. Damn neighbors.

Upgrading a peeve

I know I've peeved in the past about people who don't clear out the lint traps in the laundry room. But then it was just a minor household peeve. In the last 2 - 3 months it has become a bigger peeve and today it joins the ranks of words on asses and random stoppers as a biggest peeve ever. Every fucking time I've been down doing laundry (every Sunday morning before 8 AM) in the last couple of months when I go to move my clothes from the washer to dryer I discover someone hasn't cleaned their lint traps. Fuckers.

Mercedes Driver

Dear Mr. Mercedes Driver,

I realize you drive a fancy schmancy car that you probably paid a lot of money for and is a real chick magnet since it is a convertible. However, a red light means stop no matter who you are. It doesn't mean roll through most of the intersection on the way to make your right turn so that you are blocking the crosswalk and actually forcing the pedestrians who have the right of way to stop. Next time it happens, I may have to bang on your trunk a couple of times and if my keys happen to be in my hand when I do it, so be it. Jackass.

Thanks,
A slightly disgruntled pedestrian

Very loud

Power tools in my kitchen.

The upside is.

I'm getting my kitchen back.

Meet Doug

I have a huge pimple. It may actually be a second head growing out of my cheek, I can't be sure. I swear, I'm waiting for it to start talking me into sneaking out at night to cause trouble like Chris in Family Guy.

Just have some freakin' patience will ya!

Crikey. One of the things I hate about my job is the fact that people don't really grasp that just because they are now employed their benefits are all set up for them. No. It doesn't work that way. One has to fill out a form and turn it in to me. I have to turn it into the insurance company. They have to enter the information. Don't call me 5 minutes before your doctor's appointment asking what your benefit info is when you've never even enrolled. Similarly if you have turned in a form, but don't have a card yet, hold off on making an appointment until you get one. It is usually only 7 - 10 business days later. You can't wait that long?

Space Invaders

You were not part of the conversation, so do not butt your nose in where it wasn't asked to be stuck. Learn boundaries. This is my desk and if there is a paper, a brochure or a fucking million dollar bill sitting on the top of it, do not put your grubby hands on it. Do not pick it up. Do not pass go and collect the million dollars. What the hell is wrong with people?

I'm going to whine like a baby now

I have no counters and no sink. I have no dishwasher or ice maker. Last night I had a bathtub full of dishes. Now I have a dirty bathtub.
I keep throwing things into the sink only to remember there's no sink there.
I have to fill my coffee pot in the bathroom sink.
It's going to be pretty. But for now it's just annoying.

And it's all because of you, jackass.

I really, really need the anonymity of the Unknown Peever RIGHT NOW.

Do What You Want?

Is there really such a thing as customer service? When managers receive complaints do they really listen? Do people get in trouble? Fired? Beaten? I wish I was somebody's boss so I could kick some ass just to say it was done.

There are some things money can't buy...

Two round-trip tickets to sister's city: $793.81
Cabs to and from airports: $70.00
Dinner out: $98.75
Small gifts for sister's family: $31.25

Spending one-third of your vacation alternately flat on your back in bed and bent over a toilet bowl: Priceless.

Where's the ejector seat when you need one?

Lady sitting across the aisle from me on the plane:

You are a loudmouth, obnoxious woman who seems to have many travel problems that none of the rest of us on the plane care about. It is a small plane and we are trapped with you on it for the next hour and a half, so have a vodka and shut yer trap!

Server Issues My Ass

I think Down With Pants Brandon must have broken the Peevery.

Peeve Relief

Good lord, I thought I was going to have a heart attack from not being able to peeve.

Here it is, quickly:
Move the fuck over! Slower traffic keep right. Don't talk with your mouthful. What do you mean you postponed my project and why the fuck did I find out about it from the developer? Where the hell is my razor? Gray hairs, do not come in at my hairline; hide yourselves in the back.

Emergency Broadcast System

The Peevery is having some server issues. Even though it looks like business as usual over there, none of us can log in. I hope it will be cleared up within the next day or so. Don't give up on us. We will be much more pissed off when this over.

In the meantime, why not check out the archives here on this old thing and over at the new house.