Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Michelle, sorry you feel like shit. I am also sorry that my Cadbury Creme Egg had a bit of leakage which made it incredibly sticky. The lovely foil wrapping didn't come off in one easy tear like it so often does. I had to peel away at it and missed a piece. When I bit into the foil bit, it hit a silver filling which caused me discomfort. Sigh.
Lest you think I am faking my illness and enjoying my day, I present here a running log of events. Check back throughout the day.

Dark AM: Bryan calls in sick for me since I can barely speak through the drips coming from the post nasal region. He leaves for work. I fall back asleep with a cough drop in my mouth.
8:51 AM: I wake up. I take one of each kind of medicine and herbal remedy sitting on the nightstand. I don't know if it is a cold or allergies or what, but I want this thing gone by tomorrow. I notice that 90210 is starting soon, so I grab some organic cereal with organic milk, hoping that the good karma will also help kick the sickness, and settle back into bed. I blow my nose about half a dozen times.
9:30 AM: 90210 is so boring that I decide to check my email. Unfortunately, we don't have a wireless network, so this involves getting out of bed again. More assmonkey meetings have been scheduled for the day of my LASIK and I have the distinct pleasure of being able to cancel on a meeting that he had rescheduled to today since I am not at work. Everyone's IM is set to away so I go back to bed. I watch a short on IFC that contains the stories of Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, some Spanish dictator and Chairman Mao, each told in their own words. It is very interesting and I feel smart for about half an hour. I blow my nose about three or four times.
10:30 AM: I check my email again. There isn't really anything interesting there. Nikki and Joanne return from Away and I IM with them for a little bit.
11:00 AM: I go downstairs to let the dog out and decide to have a bowl of vegetable soup. While I am eating my soup, I watch part of Sketch Artist II: The Hand that Sees. It stars Courtney Cox as a blind community college instructor who is attacked. Jonathon Silverman plays her husband. It is very, very bad. I make some orange juice. The dog catches his treats in the air. We both head back upstairs where I blow my nose twice.
11:30 AM: I finish typing this and then go back to bed to read Jennifer Crusie's new novel, Bet Me, for awhile. I am almost done with my OJ and I use the last of it to wash down some TheraFlu caplets.
12:20 PM: I don't read any of Bet Me. Instead, I watch a couple more shorts on IFC then take a nap when I can't keep my eyes open anymore. Maybe it is the TheraFlu.
2:00 PM: I wake up, quite warm since I had turned the A/C down (up? whatever equals a warmer temp) earlier. I lay in bed thinking about what to do next. My cell phone rings. I answer and realize I sound like death. My voice is very creaky but head no longer feels stuffy. This is much more like it felt the last time I had the post nasal drip, so now I am back to thinking it is allergies.
2:17 pm: After getting off the phone with the realtor, I check my email. He has sent a crop of listings to check out in the valley. Since my head no longer feels like a brick, I think about getting dressed, brushing my hair and driving down to have a look at them. I update the blog.
3-5 pm: Still fairly groggy from the nap and the TheraFlu, heading to the valley at the start of rush hour sounds like a fine idea to me, so I go to look at the listings the realtor sent. Only two of the seven are worth looking at. The others were kind of ghetto. I call him on my way back home and arrange to look at the places later in the evening.
5:30 pm: I finally make it home and I have just enough time to eat a sandwich, check my email for the two additional listings sent by the realtor, then head over to his office.
6:30 pm: I meet Bryan at the realtor's office. The realtor does some calling around on those last two listings to try to arrange viewings.
7:00 pm: Back to the valley. We check out the two listings plus one from my earlier valley trek. The first one is a decent size, is decent inside and has a pool with a good sized yard. The second one is big, better inside and out and has a cute, good-sized yard. The third one is big, crappy inside and out and has a pool. We go back to look at the second one again. It really is a nice house. It has 4 beds, 1.75 baths, hardwood floors and tile throughout, central A/C, but no dishwasher. Yikes.
9:00 pm: We are back in the realtor's office writing up an offer for the second house. We offer the asking price of $450k.
10:30 pm: I stop at Sav-On on the way home because I keep forgetting to fill the prescription for the antibiotic eyedrops that I need to take with me to my LASIK surgery tomorrow.
11:00 pm: For some reason, I think it is a good idea to update the blog instead of going straight to bed.
As evidenced by the fact that I'm not a size 2, I say feed it all! :D

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the toilet paper here? It is 1 ply and tears so easily you get like 3 squares off the roll then it tears then you get like 2 more and on and on. It is annoying.

Computer has FINALLY been received. It will take 3 - 4 weeks for repair. Seriously. This. Is. RIDICULOUS!!
Which do you feed, the fever or the cold? What do allergies get? A light snack? I don't know what is going on with me, but I feel like crap.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

One of my biggest pet peeves ever... people who call me JoannA. There is no A at the end of my name.
Numerous things on the agenda today, each with a related peeve:
1- Had my last pre-op appointment before my LASIK surgery today. (Only two more days with glasses!) I had to wait 20 minutes to get in. I really really don't understand the whole waiting thing with doctors. This is just bad planning, people.
2- After the eye doctor appointment, I stopped in at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf for a Sunrise. I hate that all we have near work is stupid Starbucks that doesn't have NF versions of their blended drinks.
3- Since I was rolling into work around 11 am (after the eye doctor and the Coffee Bean), I was able to secure a fab parking spot right near the door. Half an hour later, the boss asked me to go to lunch with him and asked if I could drive since his car was in the shop. Adios, primo parking spot.
4- The post nasal drip has returned. (See November, 25 2003)
5- Assmonkey who schedules meetings without first checking my calendar has struck again. This time he rescheduled one of his previously rescheduled meetings BACK to the day of my LASIK surgery.
6- This is just so disgusting that I had to share it with you. Credit goes to Paul, a co-worker.
Okay, I realize that I don't post as often as Michelle would like me to, but now I am being replaced as her best friend? That's just cold. (Remember I have pictures of you after a sleep over so you might want to rethink that).
Nice to see that Jennifer Weiner has the same peeves as you and me... Check out her entry for Monday. :D

My computer will NEVER be repaired I'm starting to believe. Since according to stupidass computer repair place that I hate, they don't even have it yet, how can they repair it. Seriously 1 more year on this warranty. Never again am I purchasing a computer from some store out of New Jersey. Especially since their warranty requires it goes to THEIR shop... in New Jersey. Of course 3 days after the warranty expires it will breathe its last breathe and I'll be screwed. I guess we know what next year's tax refund is going towards... dude, I'm getting a dell. or something like that. (frighteningly enough... if you search the archives to approximately this time last year... you will see a very similar rant about computer issues. I think Jakob has to die every year on the anniversary of his acquisition.)

Monday, March 29, 2004

Why is it that in an age of lasers that can miraculously fix vision, someone still hasn't invented a painless way to have your teeth cleaned? Why is it that people are still using sharp pointy objects to remove tartar? Why hasn't someone invented a painless rinse that removes all of the crap without eroding your enamel? I have met the devil. She wears scrubs with a bunny pattern and her instrument of torture is a toy called the Cavitron. Her name is Mary and she's a dental hygienist.
One more... there was this other lady who was so uber-campy and girlscouty you just wanted to kill her. Maybe because I'm all bitter and bitchy. That is all.
Camping Peeves:

Let me set the scene for you... we have this woman in our unit who has been talking loudly and frequently about her 3 kids and how she no longer works (this is important to note) blah blah blah... She is actually the source of all of my peeves:
1 - She was griping about how she and her family are on a lot of medications and she has a hard time making the $15.00 copay each month and she and her husband live hand to mouth. I'm okay with that... I live like that. :D HOWEVER here's where she peeved me... subpeeve a - She was talking about her brand new Kia Sedona (I think that's the minivan) and subpeeve b - She kept talking about her brand new digital camera that was over $1,000 that she got for Christmas. AND she had a perfectly good Mavica (ok it isn't the best out there especially since it is prolly 2 years old but i'm sure it still works just fine since she was using it on this camping trip) and the reason she got the digital camera in the 1st place?? The film development was too expensive.
2 - She has ADD which she discussed at great length and her teachers humiliated her and made her drop out of school so she had to get married and pregnant at 17.
3 - 2 out of 3 of her kids are special needs kids (learning disabled not developmentally disabled) so she had to bitch at great length about the schools and how they are failing her kids. (HUGE peeve of mine in general)
4 - Even though she is living hand to mouth and can't afford anything... she does pet rescue... that's a buttload of moolah.
You know how sometimes when you are IMing with a person, you can have two conversations going on with the same person at the same time because of the delay? Well, some people that I IM with are very good at keeping track of which statements belong to which convo. The people I IM with who are not good at it, irritate me to no end.
Awww... Poor you! It is hard the first time Target fails you. It will get easier with time...

In my own peeve. Today is the quarterly refund check day so I have a hugeass queue just below my office of students picking up their financial aid refunds. They are so freakin loud!!!
I am giving up cursing again. It has really gotten bad lately. Many instances of the F word. Now I can only use ass in any form, such as asshat, asswipe, assmonkey, and asspirate. Please note that this applies to both writing and speaking this time.
You said it would happen, but I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to think that it could happen to me.

Target has failed me.

I was running late to get to my mom's house for her birthday on Sunday evening. Bryan and I stopped in at Target to buy her a present. We spent ages picking out a card then we went to the little decorator sort of section. I found these cute wooden candle holders that hold ball candles. Then we went through the rest of the housewares section to make sure there wasn't something better, grabbed a book for her from the book section, picked up a couple ball candles, spent a few minutes picking wrapping, and went to the check out. There were only three registers open, so we waited in line for a few minutes. As the checker was ringing up our purchases, there seemed to be a problem. She stopped and said, "I can't sell you this. It is a recalled item." The freaking candlestick holders were recalled.

She had to take off the candles, the gift bag, the tissue paper and the ribbon. I suggested that they may want remove the recalled items from the freaking shelves. We had to end up getting my mom a gift certificate in addition to the book. We wasted like half an hour in there when we were already late. Asshats.

Friday, March 26, 2004

OK... men who read this board... just take note. I don't care if you are a size 2 (or whatever means you are teeny tiny skinny in boy terms) DO NOT... I repeat... DO NOT wear spandex to the gym. It is unattractive. really. really. unattractive. Put some mondo basketball shorts over them or something. seriously. nobody wants to see that.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

I used more hair product than usual today and I think that my hair looks greasy. :(

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

I am getting more and more irritated as the day goes on. I really think I should stick to the cocktails at lunch thing.

I just read this article and it is so ridiculous. I heard over and over in all of my anthropology classes that the only way for evolution to occur is through either mutation or migration. Genes have to mutate and get passed on or new genes have to be introduced into a population through migration from another population. How is it then that someone postualting that human evolution occurred through a gene mutation that they may have identified can turn the anthropological community upside down? Hello, science nerds, we learned this in Anth 101.
I forgot to mention that I sustained internal injuries* during the staff meeting. Adam suggested that I might die from internal bleeding.

*The chair I was sitting in gave me a blood blister on my finger while I was trying to adjust the height of the arms.
I found something more boring than my daily work - my weekly staff meeting. First of all, it runs for an hour and a half, but if my boss would ever bother to make an agenda and keep it to it, it would be run less than an hour. Secondly, instead of just working on my two boring projects, I have to hear about fifteen other boring projects.

RE: Inappropriate workplace comments
The following two phrases were uttered by my boss during the staff meeting.
---Is that the guy who got sodomized?
---Dude, your wife is hot.

Be assured that knowing the context in which these comments were made does not lessen their inappropriateness.
OK so FINALLY I hear about two people I could call to carpool with. Yuck. Michelle knows how I feel about calling people... But at least maybe I can go now.
Today I hate (ok don't hate but strongly dislike all people) here are the people I'm feeling particularly crabby towards:

1 - People who turn while I'm crossing the damn road. PEDESTRIANS HAVE RIGHT OF WAY JACKASS!!!
2 - I am supposed to be going camping with the Girl Scouts this weekend. It is a leader's training sort of thing, so no kids or anything. Early on when I sent in my registration I listed my dietary restrictions and said while I don't expect them to accommodate everything, I would like to know the menu in advance so I can figure out what I have to do to supplement. Here it is Wednesday and we leave Friday and I have had no word on that.
3 - Same camping trip... I wrote on my fax when I signed up that I needed assistance with a carpool since I don't drive anymore. I also emailed the trainer on Monday asking for help with a carpool. Haven't heard from them. Even more bothersome since they have said in the confirmation paperwork that they would love it if we could carpool since there is limited parking. If I don't hear from them by tomorrow I will email and say cancel me off the trip. OBVIOUSLY I can't go. ASSHATS.
4 - Computer repair place. I haven't heard from them yet and I know they have beloved Jakob forcing me to call them. ASSHATS (Of course if you read the archives I HATE the computer repair place)
5 - FINALLY - So there was ATM Card drama from my bank a while back. I never got a new one without knowing why so I called and I had to fill out a new app. No big deal. In Jan I got a letter saying my card should be coming. It never came. I called finally in March and they said that they didn't have my current address. I didn't think anything of it at the time so I faxed them my new address and a request for a new card and the card came. It has since dawned on me that I got the letter telling me that I was getting a new card to my CURRENT address... Before I went to paperless bank statements, I was also getting those at my current address. Jackasses...

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Standing in line really anywhere... (except disneyland because we lurrve them).
Washing dishes.
Watching this season's road rules/real world challenge - the inferno
I don't see how it could be more boring than trying to document the payroll process in a visio diagram, which is what I am doing right now.

I am not looking for just work things that are boring. I can't even think of anything in life that is more boring.
OK... I have just come up with the top of the boring job pile... I am putting address labels on these documents to send to employees... Since i'm fairly sure this is the most boring job ever I win. God how sad.
4 hour meetings on long term care insurance. I promise you. Two different pitches from two different companies. Oh and filing... except you're a neat freak so you may actually enjoy that... but seriously... employee benefit filing. (employee personnel files are vastly interesting... think of all the crap they put in there on some people). Oh yeah... hearing the same orientation spiel week in and week out... that's also one of the more boring activities I get to do.
Before I let the floodgates open, thank you Michelle for allowing me to exorcise some of my demons. Jupiter is definitely not aligned with Mars because I am feeling no love this month. Sigh.

Kitty Demon
I somehow managed to forget that I don't have much luck with cats. The scars on my arms and hands are too faded to be a reminder, I suppose. I invited an adorable young kitty (named Poo) to live with me until we could find a suitable home for her. Poo didn't really take to me or my super chilled out crib. She managed to find a vent behind my fridge (of course I didn't know it was there, people don't actually clean behind their fridges do they? No, they just move). This vent which quite possibly leads to the bowels of my building and is likely home to two-headed rats became her new favourite place. An easy choice when your only other option is a cozy, furry little kitten bed. Needless to say, the cat refused to show herself in the light of day or while I was awake. I heard her eating and drinking and had to clean up after her, but she wouldn't hang out with me. Kind of like a boy I once dated. After several unsuccessful attempts to catch her and keep her out of the vent, I finally resorted to using a trap to catch her. I caught her and now she's going to a happier place (a new mom, not kitty heaven). Phew. I am sad that 5 pounds of fur could cause me so much anguish. And of course I brought her in to work this morning and she was perfectly behaved and adorable.

Polite, eh?
Not wanting to ruin the myth that all Canadians are polite, I tried to do a nice thing. A friend of mine invited a friend of his from Toronto to come and visit him. He then proceeded to leave town for the weekend so she was stuck in a city where she knows no one. Being from Toronto, I figured I'd show her around and take her to hang out with my very lovely American friends. I'd never met her before. I didn't even know her name until she called me. Here's how it all went down:
- She called me at 10 am on Saturday to say she'd be in SM at 7pm. I say great, I'll pick you up and you can come to dinner/drinks with me and my friends
- At 5:30 she calls to tell me that her ride got sick, she couldn't get a shuttle to LAX to rent a car so she's stuck in Anaheim
- I offer to pick her up in Anaheim, even though it's at least an hour to get there
- The entire evening, she was extremely loud, obnoxious and rude, generalizing about Americans (to my US friends) and complaining about everything American. I wonder if she realized that Los Angeles is actually in America and that my friends who are extremely cool might be slightly offended by her crap. I don't think she did.
- The next day, feeling like maybe she was just tired and jetlagged, I took her to Beverly Hills (saw Rod Stewart) and Hollywood. Same crap. She sucks. My friend returned from his weekend of sin in Las Vegas and I politely declined an invitation to hang out with them last night.
What is absolutely the most boring thing you can think of? For me, it is my job. I told someone that the other day. I thought I was exaggerating at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I could not actually come up with anything more boring than my job.

Nikki suggested that working in Finance would be more boring, but I think even that would be more interesting for awhile because I would have to learn some new things.

Anyone? Something more boring?
Ugh. I have 2 alarms on my alarm clock. The one for Tuesday (6:30 AM) and the one for the rest of the work week (5:30 AM). (blah blah blah I go to the gym every day but Tuesdays so I get to sleep an hour later). This morning I forgot to turn off the 1st alarm so there it goes blaring Coldplay's Home at 5:30. I was lying in bed thinking, gosh it is awfully dark for 6:30 then rolled over, looked at the clock and wanted to kick myself for my dumbness. :( So I just lay in bed with my eyes shut for another hour and that was pretty nice too. I heart Tuesday mornings.

Monday, March 22, 2004


At least in SoCal, they make waaaaay too much fucking money for doing nothing but putting your house in the fucking MLS. If I knew that it would be this easy, I would have saved $17k and listed the house myself. What a joke. Amazing how people so stupid can do so well for themselves.

Old Fart Realtors

Ok, we're talkin' like 80+ fucking years old. Get this, our lender (Wells Fargo) had to send someone out to do an appraisal of our property about 2 months ago (we wanted to extend our HE line of credit). Who did they send? An elderly couple, each easily over 75. Now, I usually don't bag on old folks. I mean, there are some pretty cool old people out there (Arnold Palmer, Clint Eastwood and that old dude that warter skiis barefoot come to mind). So, I gave this couple the benefit of the doubt. But after they left, I had a funny feeling inside. Like they didn't know what the hell they were doing. Here are some of the signs I was given...

  • The wife (think "where's the beef" lady, only 20 years older and more petite) farted in my presence, freaked when she couldn't find her "lead" - apparently, this is what old fucks call pencils - and told me (yes, told me) to go outside and get her "lead" from her husband. Not to mention that she was too frail to stand and... she drooled.

  • When I mentioned that I worked for, all I got in return was a confused look. Then I began to explain what the Internet was until I realized they weren't even paying attention to me.

    4 Weeks later, we get a call from our lending rep. The house appraised at $347k, $40k below the average list price of homes in our area (our home is not average in features). At which point, I yelled out loud "goddamn fucking old mother fuckers. I KNEW IT!". Our lender told us that they were using comp data from 7 months ago!!!!!! AAAAAAAH.

    Now, to my Realtor's credit, she was able to get us the comp data that we needed to get the rate we wanted. And what did we do in return??? Didn't use the data and instead, we let her sell us another house and gave her $17k in the process.

    Guess Realtors aren't too stupid after all.

  • Nikki will be joining peeves soon. Welcome her and don't be mean to her. She will hopefully be posting about the obnoxious girl and the devil kitty very soon.
    Many thanks to Joanne for posting the peeves that I called in. I just wanted to let you know that lunch time did improve. I started drinking. I now know why people are alcoholics. My job has finally driven me to it.
    Michelle's Lunchtime Peeves:
    1 - When she is sitting in her little car trying to turn right and there is a ginormous SUV in the next lane who is trying to turn left and they keep inching out and she can't see if it is safe or not for her to turn right.
    2 - Her nail place has closed down and now she has to find a new place, but not Nail City because they are bad (which I can agree with)
    3 - Since she isn't getting her nails done she called her friend to join her. Her friend screens and didn't pick up so Michelle had to call a coworker to tell the girl to pick up her phone.

    Poor Michelle... rough lunch life.
    I don't think I have mentioned before that I am a member of Romance Writers of America. The local chapter is the Los Angeles Romance Authors.

    There is a monthly newsletter from the local chapter. I don't usually read the whole thing because it is kind of boring. When it came in the mail this month, I didn't even take it out of its envelope. Yesterday, at the monthly meeting, someone said something about the article that the president of the chapter wrote. I said I hadn't read it. She said it was hilarious and it was all about me. I snatched up a copy of that newsletter as quickly as I could.

    The president, Kim, had written about a fictional encounter with me wherein I bullied and blackmailed her into doing something that I wanted her to do. It was quite surprising to me that someone who I only see once a month for a couple hours could nail my personality so well. She said that after reading this, she was sure I wouldn't mind.

    If she sends me a soft copy of her article, I will link to it here.
    Have you read any books by Jennifer Weiner? I like her.

    I just sent her an email asking her a writing question. This is maybe the third email that I sent to her. It started like this:


    Can I call you Jen? I feel like I know you. Is that creepy? That is the power of the blog.

    I think I will ask Jen if she wants to be my new best friend. Sorry, Heather, but she can offer me advice on my synopsis. Your reign as my best friend was good while it lasted. You should challenge her to a duel if you want to keep your title.
    I don't like it when I bite my tongue when I sneezed. :(

    Saturday, March 20, 2004

    Damn... if this is how the year starts, I fear how the year will end...

    Friday, March 19, 2004

    I was just checking my email and thought I'd take a quick look at the blogs, then I got sucked into reading the archives (much the same way I got sucked into watching JAG again this morning.) For it being only March, this has been a peevy year for all of us.

    PEEVES --- Breaking up with a virgin yeti. Lots of falling down and other mishaps. Boring job. Getting in trouble at boring job for IMing too much.
    YAYS --- Kicky new haircut and tattoo. I came to visit in Seattle. It is Cadbury Cream Egg season.

    PEEVES --- Lame ass job. John Kerry. Liberals everywhere.
    YAYS --- Less than a week to go at lame ass job, then starts shiny new job with a 17% increase. Just bought a new, bigger house. Sick baby seems to be getting better.

    PEEVES --- Mean bosses. Sending out lots of resumes and getting no replies. Target.
    YAYS --- Selling house and buying new, bigger house. Seems to love her children.

    PEEVES --- Job saps will to live. Fatness. Crazy dog. Hates people. Can't tan during working hours.
    YAYS --- Has interview next week for a job that reports to a former work friend, so hopefully something will come of it. Wants super phat raise like Adam is getting. May move to the beach, but to a new, smaller condo. Diet Cokes.
    On the way back from lunch (at the Cheesecake Factory... yum!) we stopped in at Albertson's. I went to the little Starbucks counter to get a Chai Frappucino and the woman was like, Oh, I don't know how to make that. They left me alone. I need to call someone. Then she just tried to halfass it and didn't actually call anyone because she didn't know how to work the phone either. I told her to forget it and I bought a diet Pepsi and a cream egg instead.
    How could one little field trip to get lunch make me so peevey??

    I was at the student union (student caf? something like that) to get my lunch and came up with several:
    1 - Why do they have bacon burger on the menu at all if every time I order it (their cheese is YUCKY) they are still going to give me a bacon cheese burger.
    2 - Why write down my order when you're just going to ask me what I want after you've cooked my burger.
    3 - I am oh so sick of the use of skurd instead of the pronunciation scared. (I will shamefacedly admit to using skurd when I've been drinking, but i'm sick of it now... where did that even come from?)
    4 - I guess I can't be toooo bitchy about my job. I get to go home early today. :D
    Although I have one more thing... I'm sitting at the front desk and being subjected to JAZZ music. I HATE JAZZ!!
    It is your job and your locale that make you unfun... I'm sure if I lived in the burbs, I would not nearly be as much fun as I am now. In fact, I would probably be a lot like I was in Camarillo... just that nice girl who lived in the house but didn't do too much. Until you have kids, you NEED adult people without kids to hang out with. It is hard to be fun if someone's worried about the sitter, or about lactating or whatever those married with kid people worry about. (Although I know one couple is probably not THAT concerned about anything mundane and kid related... ;)

    Peeves for me...
    1 - it is fucking ARCTIC here right now. I was dying on my walk to work today.
    2 - There two spots on my tattoo that itch like a sonofabitch. They have formed little bumps and itch so much i want to scream! However I am using the most amazing of restraint and not scratching them. I don't know HOW I've accomplished this.
    3 - I've had to use my inhaler twice in less than 24 hours. That's uncommon. I don't like to use it. I don't like the way I feel when I use it. I think it is part of the reason I'm sitting here FREEZING my ass off...
    4 - I went to get a cocoa to warm my frozen ass and I first went to the building next door the law school. There's a sign on their coffee place "Closed for spring break go to the Bottom Line in Pigott." Grumble grumble but I walk over to Pigott and there's a sign on their coffee place "Closed for spring break." Ok obviously someone doesn't want me to have hot cocoa so now I'm sitting at my desk with just water. :(
    I used to be fun.

    Now, I am boring. I thought it was because I am a wife instead of a drunken slut. It turns out, not surprisingly, that it is actually my job. My job, as mentioned on previous occasions, saps my will to live. My job also keeps me from hanging out with my friends. When I went to Seattle for a long weekend, I had fun. I had fun with my old college pals. I had fun without being a drunken slut, so I know it can be done.

    I am obviously trying to remedy the job situation, but I also need to hang out with people. Fun people. Adult people without children people tagging along. I am not sure how to go about fixing that one, but I think that moving to the beach will help since we will live near more people we know instead being trapped out in the suburbs where we only know two couples who are very busy themselves.

    I really have no idea what the hell I am talking about today, but I am wearing kicky red shoes so it really isn't too bad of a day.

    Thursday, March 18, 2004

    Random evening peeves:
    1- Sometimes I need some alone time. I like things to be quiet with no one talking to me.
    2- I bought a new shirt without trying it on. Of course it looks like crap on and now needs to be returned.
    3- The dog won't leave me alone. Tell him to leave me alone.

    Random evening non-peeves:
    1- The new skirt and shoes I bought at Nordstrom Rack online are quite cute.
    2- I saw the cutest little dry erase magnet things at Target. It was a 3-pack of mini dry erase boards. I love all the little tiny things.
    3- I have an interview sometime next week.
    4- Bryan and I may have actually made a decision about moving.
    1 - Death Cough has begun. I don't even know why but I hate having it.
    2 - They (being some group of employees but I don't know who) are using the center area downstairs to have a little going away party. They are LOUD! (So to explain my office is on the 2nd floor of a section of the building. There is a walkway but we are totally opened up to the bottom so anything that happens there I can see and hear from my office... kinda like an old assembly line thing)
    3 - Death cough causes my back to itch in weird spots. Don't ask I honestly don't know why.
    4 - Unapproved assembly was having speeches on the steps right outside my office pretty much trapping me in here.
    UGH... i got 'the talk' again... too much im'ing. give me a freaking break! If I had enough work to do, I wouldn't be IMing so much! Blech
    This is shocking! Read what a work friend wrote to me in an email.

    You know it's funny.. I was thinking about you yesterday - and then here's this email from ya! I saw this picture of Jessica Simpson.. and every time I see her I think gosh she just looks so familiar... and then I figured out what it is... you look like her! If you had blond hair - you would totally look just like her - same smile - same eyes and what not. You could have a career as a pop diva!!

    What do you think? I just don't see it, but I will go home and make a sexy pose tonight and take a picture. Maybe that will help.


    Mispronunciations a pet peeve? Not so much, but this is interesting. I am guilty of about half a dozen or more of these, although I have never said "interpretate".
    I never take the 101 for exactly this reason. At 4:30 this morning, a drunk driver ran into a gasoline tanker, causing it to partially overturn and spill on the freeway on the Westbound side at Chesebro. The entire freeway has been shut down since then. Anyone who is familiar with this area knows that any sort of disturbance on the 101 between Woodland Hills and Thousand Oaks wreaks havoc on all the other routes through the valley. For instance, on the 118, which is the freeway I take in to work. A nice way to start the day.

    Wednesday, March 17, 2004

    UGH - New stupidass ads... I was on MSN just now and there was a blurb "What's the latest in thing with celebraties?" Ok, let's see what the latest 'in' thing is with celebraties... Apparently it is coke with lime in a huge ad. Bastards.

    So I was asked to cover the HR front desk until 4:00 for a meeting... it is now 4:28... meeting still going. :(
    Hey there, it's me. Soon to be an ex-Homie again. First off, I'd like to apologize to all the ladies out there. I didn't mean to flood the bathroom. Shouldn't have had that extra burrito from Manny's the other night.

    Next, I'd like to thank Michelle for all the opportunities she has given me to bitch about stuff. She's helped me to locate the inner Richard Lewis in me. Griping is good therapy, so keep it up!

    Lastly, I'd like to throw out a large "bite me" to everyone out there that tried to bring me down by making a negative remark about my recent career decision. Here's what I got to say to y'all... I hope you enjoy your relaxing, cozy condition that you're in, with your perpetually misguided, confused, flailing company and your static, stale salaries. Remember this, what some interpret as a risk, others interpret as opportunity.

    The policy of being too cautious is the greatest risk of all - Jawaharlal Nehru.

    I'm OUT (for now)!

    - TheAdamBomb
    A list of peeves:
    1. My husband won't let me quit my job for no good reason and grad school is so far in the future that it really does me no good to even look forward to quitting for that. Fall 2005 may as well be Fall 2115.
    2. Asspunk with whom I work keeps scheduling meetings with me for times when my calendar is already booked. Learn to use Outlook, assface.
    3. Mediocre service at lunch.
    4. Someone flooded the women's bathroom and alerted no one. When I told the cleaning guy, it was the first he had heard of it.
    5. My boss, who I used to like a lot, is really starting to grate. He had the indecency to say, during our staff meeting, "I need you guys to motivate me." What the fuck ever! In case you haven't noticed, you are the fucking boss and should be motivating us.
    6. Adam! He is leaving. Not that I can blame him, obviously, but he is the second meanest one on the team and much more bitter than I, so it will be hard to have someone take over his gripey duties.
    7. Today is absolutely a perfect beach day, yet here I sit, inside, in my cube, destined never to be tan again.
    My boss did all my work while I was gone. I came in with little to do. :( You know I figured 3 days of stock piled work... wahoo... nope. denied.
    Dear Michelle,

    Keep a stiff upper lip. You are longed for Corporatonia only for a short time. You shall break free! We, at Travel Journal, have faith in your creativity, motivation and will to live. Good things will come to you. Just be patient. By spring's end, we predict you will have found a new home in NEW Corporatonia. This too will only be for a short while, until you begin your amazing trek into the dark and trecherous forests of Universityland. Be brave and you will make it through Universityland into the hallowed halls of Hollyweird. That is your destiny.

    Until next time,
    Travel Journal
    Dear Travel Journal,

    It is with a heavy heart and weary mind that I return to my hated home of Corporatonia. My visit to Vacationland provided some much needed perspective. I am counting the days until I can end my stay in Corporatonia. Perhaps by the beginning of Summer, I will have found a new homeland.

    I am suffocating here. All creativity, motivation, will to live is being sucked from my body with each freeway mile, each millisecond spent sitting in this cubicle. It makes it even harder to bear when I hear about others who are breaking free. Granted, some of them are just moving to a new place within Corporatonia. Maybe the grass really is greener over there. Best of luck to them.

    Some candidates for my move include Beachnation, Part-Time Island and the United Kingdom of Freelancing. I am looking into it and I will keep you updated, Travel Journal, but for now I must put on a brave face and go to the weekly ritualistic ceremony that the natives of Corporatonia call the staff meeting.

    Until next time,


    Thursday, March 11, 2004

    Darn that Noel. He had me looking at potential labels for his Strawberry wine so for days that damn Deana Carter song "Strawberry Wine" has been running through my head. Wouldn't be such a big deal except that I only know the following line "Strawberry wine and seventeen..." I know there's much more but that's all so just over and over and over....
    My new shoes squeak on the rubbery floors in the landings and kitchens at work. On the plus side, though, I have been wearing them to work since I bought them and they are nicely broken in for Seattle. These will be my going out shoes, not my about town shoes.

    Wednesday, March 10, 2004

    Will you please give me some feedback on my cover letter? Thanks.

    What up, yo?

    I gots me some mad skillz. When I aint chillin with my girlz and reprezentin the SCV, you knowz I gots to be bringin in the cashish cuz my old man likes to live in style, yo. IM me whenever cuz you knowz I ain't doin nuthin anyway.

    Latah suckah.
    Remember way back in February when I said I would be giving up sodas for Lent? Well, I have changed my mind. Instead of giving up things that make me happy, like soda, I will be giving up things that make me miserable, and by that I mean this job. So, if there are any takers, I will gladly trade you for your job. I am also accepting offers without trade. I am a certified Sandwich Artist and I have been paid to tell people how to raise their children. I am bossy and would prefer to work outdoors so that I can get a tan. Let me know if you have anything for me. Thanks.
    For some reason I got sucked into watching JAG this morning instead of the usual weather and traffic reports. I don't know what came over me, but I hope it doesn't happen again.
    I think that the traffic is somehow related to the unseasonably warm weather. Eighty-one degrees at nine in the morning results in congestion at an hour when I would normally be flying down the freeway.

    Tuesday, March 09, 2004

    from this morning...

    So the great dog experiment was a failure. Turns out that when left out of his crate all day, the dog will crap on the carpet in front of the fireplace. He was fine for a few hours at a time, but not the whole day. I find it interesting that he nevers craps in his crate when left in there the whole day, yet he would crap on the carpet. I hate pets.

    Monday, March 08, 2004

    God damn dryer! 1 hr later... clothes just now warm and moist instead of cold and damp.
    Yippee!! I finally got to do my laundry.
    Seriously... I am NEVER going to get to do my laundry. I've been trying since I got home at 5:00. AND the door to the elevator banged over my bare foot and now I have a scrape across the top. :'(
    I am boycotting all celebrities who say they deal with fame by "staying grounded." What the fuck does that even mean?

    First on the list, not that I liked him in the first place, is Clay Aiken. His comment is in the second to last paragraph of this article.
    Why does a company, with which I no longer have service, send me an invoice that shows a credit on my account instead of just sending me the check? Why do I have to call and request the check? Do they do this just to piss me off? If so, it has worked.
    This is not really a peeve, not yet anyway. In case you don't know, our dog is crate trained. He likes his crate. He doesn't pee in his crate. He stays in the crate when we are not home. I have never really liked that, though. I feel bad for him that we don't have a yard so that he can be outside all day. However, when he was a puppy, he would have had the house destroyed in less than an hour if left unattended.

    Well, a couple times, we have accidently left him out of his crate. One time, as Bryan and I were leaving, the dog got into his crate and Bryan and I both walked out, thinking the other had shut the crate. When we got home, the dog was waiting at the door and trash was strewn about the kitchen. Remarkably, nothing else in the house was touched. Since then, we have been contemplating letting him roam about the house while we are gone.

    Yesterday, I was out shopping (it is my wifely duty to buy new clothes and shoes for myself) and Bryan had to go out for a little while. He locked the trash in the bathroom and closed all the doors in the house. The dog was free!

    When I returned early from shopping, I checked the entire house. The only thing the dog had done that he was not supposed to was take the hand towel off the vanity in the master bedroom. (The door to the bedroom doesn't latch properly, so he was able to push it open.) Later that day, we went out for about four hours and left the dog free again. He was a very good boy. He didn't even break into his dog treats which were easily accessible.

    Today, the dog will be home alone and roaming around for 10-11 hours. We'll see if this turns into a peeve tomorrow.

    Sunday, March 07, 2004

    Dammit! Everyone and their brother is doing laundry in the laundry room tonight. I've been downstairs 4 times to see all washers full and at least one person in line. Don't they know I was doing good work this morning and couldn't do my laundry at my usual time of six:30 or 7? (Computer related note... six key still broken.. ok honestly probably will never get fixed and right now I'm too lazy to lock the number pad on type the digit then turn the number lock off). In a related note to the laundry time thing, I could've done laundry if I had known that I didn't need to be there until quarter to 9 instead of the 8:00 when I arrived. (see my blog for whine about that).

    Friday, March 05, 2004

    Someone near me has a Nextel phone ringing with a message but it isn't someone in my department, otherwise I would shut that fucking thing off. I know I always say that I am going to crack, but I really think that it is going to happen soon. Really really.
    I have said it before and I will say it again. I hate whistlers, especially at work. How is appropriate that you subject me to your noise? Really. I am trying to work here. Don't laugh; I really am this time.
    If I go to a web site for, say, El Pollo Loco, they better have some damn coupons there for me to print off so that I can stop in on the way home. Screw them now. I am making some soup and salad tonight instead.
    I did know that our company has had the capability to track IMs, but I heard today that they are now actually doing it now. Oh, in addition, some people have been fired recently for violating the code of conduct. Now that is a scary thought. They also sent out a nice little warning basically saying watch your back.

    Back to work! Your lunch hour is nearly over!
    I develop feelings for people a lot, but I don't go around saying, "I am starting to have feelings for you," I prefer the more direct, "I hate you."

    Thursday, March 04, 2004

    OK one more... totally petty too.. but Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is filmed over several days (a week I believe), why do they insist on the pretense that this was all done in one day?
    This peeve has been rattling around in my head for a couple of days now, but when I would come to the site to document it, I would forget it (a peeve in and of itself). Who in the real world says "I have feelings for Fred or Jim or Kate or whatever" or "I am starting to have feelings for blah blah blah" or "I think I have feelings for blah blah blah" ?? Seriously. I realize that I'm comparing TV life to real life, but so many shows do this.

    Michelle, I think I'm developing feelings for you... ;) hee.
    Local TV ads. C'mon guys, you can do better than this, right?? OR if you can't, why should I buy your stereo warehouse products... you obviously don't know how to use them. (ok I realize that the stereo warehouse is for audio and I'm griping about their video capabilities, but the audio sucks on their commercials too).

    OH SO SICK of Trading Spaces Ads... ESPECIALLY for this new one where the mortgage gets paid off. I loved the show, but I'm afraid that it is a little too Who Wants to be a Millionaire... they inundated us with it until we didn't care anymore.

    (ok not a peeve or botheration but the queer guys are shopping at Ikea. I LOVE IKEA... although obviously it is closed for their use only since there are NO people in Ikea and we all know that never happens)
    So I was just downstairs and bigger boss (but not biggest boss) said "we missed you at lunch today." And I said "Did I have to go to that?" And she said "No it is completely voluntary." And I said "Voluntary as in voluntary or voluntary as in 'does not show initiative tick on the review' voluntary?" And she looked at me as if I was nuts and I said, "I actually got a ding on a review for not attending a training that was completely unrelated to my job. I did not show initiative and go to Fire Extinguisher training." They all thought I was crazy, but no really that's the crazy world the casino was. Oh so glad I got out of that hell hole.
    Holy crap!

    Enormous breach of poop etiquette! Even worse than the one that occurred on October 24, 2003.

    I walked into the bathroom. It reeked of bleach, so at least I knew it is clean. As I headed into the stall, I also caught a faint whiff of someone's doody, so I pulled my shirt up over my nose and breathed shallowly through that. As I was going about my business (#1 only) I heard a flush. Then I heard the tp holder rolling as Crapper went in for a wipe. Then I heard it rolling again, then I heard it rolling again, and again, and again. Crapper wiped no less than five times in an obvious breach of etiquette. She should have remained silent until the other occupant left the bathroom.

    It wasn't over yet. I flushed and was pulling up my pants when I heard her flush again. I thought, surely she wasn't planning to exit her stall while I was in there. I left my stall and she walked brazenly out of hers. I had to see Crapper's true identity!

    And it still wasn't over yet. Then she started talking to me! WTF was she thinking? God damn Crapper.
    I forgot to mention, my tardy period finally showed up. I better start keeping track of that thing again.
    Ok I didn't succumb. Does this make me "not a team player" or mean I don't "show initiative?"
    Stupid Meetings about Budget and crap... So we have this meeting scheduled with the president... a 'brown bag' meaning it is a lunch meeting. I don't want to go since that will be considered my lunch hour and as an hourly person (Damn don't even get me started on that!) it isn't like I could take extra time or whatever. Apparently my whole office is going. Do I succumb to the pressure and join everyone else in the office or do I not. I think I'm succumbing. >:@
    When I got to work this morning, there was a loud whining noise near my cube. It was dirving everyone crazy. I emailed the facilities director and she said the maintenance man couldn't find the source of it yesterday but that she would have him try again today. The noise is now gone so I am sure that means the maintenance man will come now. Then, as soon as he leaves, I am sure the noise will be back.
    A couple more:
    I don't like that I've been working out 4 mornings a week since Christmas and climbing hills since moving here because I walk almost everywhere and I still feel like my lungs are going to explode at least 1/2 the time when I'm climbing certain hills.

    I am not fond of people who ask a question of me then when they don't like my answer go to someone else and on and on I guess hoping to get a better answer.
    I think I've been stockpiling them...

    1 - I started taking the aformentioned test, but my connection at home was so slow it was driving me nuts so I gave up part way through.
    2 - I hate the new 'roll over' ads on webpages.
    3 - I have been having a little bit of trouble with Pip, the MP3 player (anything that gets talked to, coaxed, cursed at etc gets names... hence MP3 player, home computer and car before it died have names). I go to their website and pull down the manual but there is NO section for troubleshooting? How in the hell is that? So I run Jakob's (the computer) scandisk on it to repair any issues, but I don't know if it will help or not. While I was walking to work this morning I noticed it has its own scandisk so I ran that too. We shall see.
    4 - I'm sick of cooking for myself. I think partially I can't wait until Michelle comes to visit because it seems as though we won't be eating at home too much! :)
    5 - I've been going to bed fairly early (for me anyway) because I'm sitting there falling asleep, BUT then I wake up at 3:30 like it is time to get up! :(

    Wednesday, March 03, 2004

    I took this test, again.

    I totally believe in the accuracy of this test. Check out my man match.

    It appears that I have roughly the same taste in men as in women.

    It's official: You're "picky." The fact is you are drawn to the most handsome of the handsome. You know what you like in men and are more selective than most women your age. Your tastes seem instinctual. You'd make a great casting agent, because you have a good eye for men who have "star quality." In real life, your high standards may be an obstacle for you. It's hard to find a man with the strong features you like, who's also well-rounded in other ways. Still, you know the importance of a real physical "spark" in a relationship, and aren't willing (or able) to settle for less. The challenge is finding a man who really wows you physically, even if he's not the most handsome man in the room.

    You are very selective, compared to most women, in the types of men you find appealing. You're wowed by "movie star" good looks, and in general, appreciate men with "traditional" or "mainstream" appeal. You probably face a lot of competition going after the most popular guys. Let others fight over the "movie stars" and you'll find a more unique guy who can be your own personal "hunk." See the pie chart below to see how many women fall into picky or open categories.
    I took this test.

    If I dated women, this is what I would like. My girlfriend, she is pretty, no?

    It's official: You're "picky." The fact is you are drawn to the most beautiful of the beautiful. You know what you like in women and are more selective than most women your age. Your tastes seem instinctual. You'd make a great casting agent, because you have a good eye for women who have "star quality." In real life, your high standards may be an obstacle for you. It's hard to find a woman with the strong features you like, who's also well-rounded in other ways. Still, you know the importance of a real physical "spark" in a relationship, and aren't willing (or able) to settle for less. The challenge is finding a woman who really wows you physically, even if she's not the most attractive woman in the room.

    You are very selective, compared to most women, in the types of women you find appealing. You're wowed by "movie star" good looks, and in general, appreciate women with "traditional" or "mainstream" appeal. You probably face a lot of competition going after the most popular women. Let others fight over the "movie stars" and you'll find a more unique woman who can be your own personal "star."
    I didn't care much for the grocery strike that was going on here. It is finally over for those of you out of state. The strikers didn't really get anything that they wanted, yet they are saying that they did.

    I think that unions are a thing of the past and at the beginning of this strike, I said I would try to go to only non-union stores to reward companies that don't use union labor. That pretty much left me with Trader Joe's and Whole Foods, which isn't too bad; those are great stores. Then Bryan got food poisoning and I had to run out to the store to get him some stuff so I went to the most convenient store, which is Ralph's. The union workers were technically only striking Vons, but Albertson's and Ralph's locked out their union workers in solidarity. I go in and pick up what I need and a couple other things. Then, when I am nearly finished, I start noticing all these specials, like 5 packages of pasta for $5, or 2 jars of pasta sauce for $4, or 4 cans of Chef Boy-ar-dee for $4. Well, I did not get out of there for under $80 and all I was going in for, really, was Gatorade and buttwipes. I will not be lured again by their awesome deals!
    I hate it when I use the pump kind of lotion and it gets down to the bottom quarter of the bottle and the pump stops sucking up the lotion because there isn't enough in the bottom but there's still a lot and I have to take the top off and start just pouring it out of the bottle.

    I also hate it when I write giant run-on sentences. :)

    Tuesday, March 02, 2004

    So I was walking home from the Flexcar after Brownies tonight and I saw across from the Flexcar's home, a Blue Water Grill taco place. Even though I just had tacos for dinner last night, I'm not feeling the cook tonight vibe so I figure I'll pop over and grab some tacos. Except they closed at 7. What kind of place closes at 7??!! God, it is like I was living in Indiana again or something yucky like that. So instead I'm home and cooking steak, because apparently the beef jerkey I had this afternoon wasn't enough meat for me. :) heh...

    If I can't get these 7 little girls to do a simple thing for me like clean up after themselves, how in the hell am I going to get them to do anything when we're out at camp??!! I may have to beat them or something... OR... have the parents of the biggest pains in my ass come along... good idea!
    I thought Adam would bring something new to the peeves and it turns out I was right, unless anyone else cares about baseball (I do, but only for the hotties) or the Sacramento Kings. The only baseball current event that I know is that Reds owner Marge Schott died.

    I need a mani-pedi.

    I didn't even know there were chewable pepto tabs in the medicine cabinet at work or I would have been in there this morning instead of suffering through the heartburn induced by my delicious Mango-Orange-Pineapple juice. How could something so good for me cause me so much pain?
    fyi - the chewable pepto tabs from the medicine cabinet are sick (the icky sick). haven't tried the cramp tabs yet but I got some at my desk if anyone is interested.
    ok, so, I forgot how to login to the fucking site and was locked out again. actually, I forgot my user name. some poor bastard's mailbox must be filled with my password requests!! go figure, someone else has my nickname (ladiesman).

    I don't have a whole lot to gripe about today that I haven't already. but let me give it a try...

    1. for at least the next 3 weeks, I am finally 0% Product babysitter and divorced from the bane of my Homs existence. halleluja.
    2. fuck celebrities and their need to voice their meaningless political opinions during the Oscars. the Academy should rename the Best Documentary award the Most Liberal Asshole award.
    3. to use an expression that I coined when I was in jnr high... "eat shit and die" Sacramento Kings (yes, that was mine).
    4. and to the baseball player's union, get a fucking clue. their current testing policy is an absolute joke and does nothing to actually punish players for steroid abuse nor prevent them from further abuse if caught (assuming they even get tested). MLB needs some presidential intervention. GDUB for commissioner!

    That is all for now.

    Monday, March 01, 2004

    First, welcome back, Adam. I am glad you finally figured out your login. Don't write it on your hand this time.

    Ok, here's what I have for today:
    1- My tummy hurts. Not cramps. I think it is something else, but I won't elaborate. Ok, I will. I think I have to poop, but there is no poop forthcoming. But, in case you are worried, I have pooped since ending the fast.
    2- My period is two days late but there are definite signs that it is on its way. I wonder if a longer cycle is a side effect of the fast. It may have cleared up my luteal phase issue. I better start paying attention again.
    3- Assface co-worker. I could run him over in parking lot if only he didn't come in late and leave early every day.
    4- So. Fucking. Bored. This is less interesting than I ever imagined work could be. I am even starting to fondly remember the horrid job I had before this one.
    5- Loud ass mofos.