Please Stay Tuned

Peeves are temporarily halted while we move to our new location.

Genuine Condundrum

I like the new Paris Hilton perfume. I didn't want to like it. But I do. Even though I hate her. So now I'm faced with - do I buy the perfume and add to a stupid rich girl's fortune? Or do I not, and deny myself something I truly like?

Sigh. Woe is me.

Oh

and quit leaving the door open, you're letting in flies!

Multiple choice quiz for my husband

Do you think a good time to use a power saw would be:

a. When I'm watching TV

b. When I'm sleeping

The best choice of c. When I'm not home is not currently available, so work with what you've got. Think hard. Your happiness may depend on it.

Nothing's ever easy, is it?

Just as my seething rage at my dentist subsided, I received in the mail a card from the receptionist apologizing for the other day. Enclosed was a $60 gift certificate to a shmancy restaurant across the street from my office. If she gets me the rest of the reimbursement for that one charge, I might not ditch them after all.

I didn't get into one of the two film schools to which I applied.

The husband brought those two pieces of mail directly to me in the back of the house, then he left to go to Home Depot. I ventured to the front of the house and saw the rest of the mail. There was a Pottery Barn catalog. He brought me that crap when there was a Pottery Barn catalog to be had? After all these years, does he not know me at all? What's he going to bring home for dinner, chicken livers and beef tongue?

The excitement is killing me

Is there anything better than cleaning bathrooms on a Saturday morning when you've got bronchitis and are slightly hungover and your husband is working on his nine million dollar order so don't even think about asking for help but you have company coming so you can't put it off any longer?

I may have to revise my freebie list, which now contains Brad Pitt, The Rock and Johnny Rzeznick of the The Goo Goo Dolls.

If I were going to hook up with a male celebrity:


If I were going to hook up with a female celebrity:


Shout out to yankeebob, with whom I will not be hooking up for myriad reasons, but who posted this on his blog.

Huge Wang Will Never Drill My Mouth Again

So, I am still pretty pissed at my dentist, Dr. Hugh H. Wang, for moving his office without telling me. Oh, and for telling me something was covered 50% by my insurance when it was not. Today, I show up for my 3 pm appointment right on time and I am told to wait in the waiting room - I normally get right in. So, I am flipping through a magazine and the receptionist comes back out and tells me that they have to reschedule. My office is ten minutes away. They could have called me before I left, before I went down the parking garage and lost my parking spot. I have a cell phone. They could have called me while I was on the way, before I circled the block, found a spot, put change in the meter and jaywalked across the street. She could have told me before I sat down and picked up a magazine and read one paragraph of an interesting article.

Seriously, fuck them. I already paid up front for my invisalign and that is all the business he is getting from me. I don't care if I have to drive fifty fucking miles every time I need a cleaning, I am going back to my old dentist.

Not enough postage

Dear Mailroom,

It is YOUR job to put the postage on the envelope. When an envelope is returned because of not enough postage, don't send it back to my office. Put enough postage on it and put it back in the mail. DUH!

Thanks,
Slightly disgruntled me.

Thank God Lent is Nearly Over

Buy This Book

Because I wrote it. Ok, I didn't write the whole thing. I wrote one essay that is contained in the book, which means I am a real paid writer now. Well, I will be a paid writer as soon as someone buys the book. One day, I hope to be able to buy a six-pack of Diet Pepsi with my earnings. (It should be noted here that our own peeved blogger, David, has 38 essays in the book and did most of the actual work. A former peeved blogger, Nikki, also did a lot of the work.)

You can buy the book on Amazon and Barnes & Noble in about six weeks, but right now you can buy it directly from the publisher for a buck cheaper.

We and GWB: notes from the first four years.

In 1998, "Clark Schpiell productions" was founded as an online humor magazine. For nearly two years, its writers published cartoons, humorous essays and the occasional movie review. After the 2000 elections, this exceedingly silly site began to transform as its writers became aware of the potential impact of George W. Bush's policies on the future of the United States of America, her people, and the world. With the 9/11 terrorist attacks and the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, more and more political essays were published and, as the critical 2004 elections approached, CSP's newfound activism rose to a climax. This book collects many of those political essays into one volume which, with commentary by CSP founder David Nett, chronicles the story of a handful of young people and their sudden political awakening in George W. Bush's America.

One last peeve before I go on vacation

I had a regularly scheduled GYN visit today. Normal stuff, except my doctor gave me a prescription for a mammogram. Apparently it's now common practice to make women my age have mammos. I'm only 35 for Christ's sake!

I feel old.

I just thought of this

It just dawned on me that this week and next is school vacation week for many students across the USA. Don't you think that it's just the perfect time to go to Disney World for a week? If I'm not back posting this time next week I am either dead or still in line to ride "It's a Small World".

Wish me luck!

We're number 2

It's pouring outside. Given we were about a tenth of an inch from second place on the wettest season ever in LA, I think we're there. Only about 3 inches to go for number one. Great.

Boo Hoo Hoo

I can't think of a reason why I would ever attend a candlight vigil for anything. What good are they anyway?

Wardrobe malfunction

The tank top I was wearing today has lace around the neck. Lace that was driving my peeling sunburn crazy. Lace that was driving me crazy. It has been removed and sweater has been buttoned up. Ahh blessed relief.

Right Down the Middle

I was talking to my accountant last night about the tax implications of doing contract work over having regular employment. He was for it and in the course of our conversation, he uttered a sentence that at once managed to be extremely Republican and extremely Democratic. He said, "You want to keep as much of the money you earn as you can. You don't want it going to the government just to fund another bomb that's going to kill people."

Relationships That Last

I have had the same alarm clock since I was 12 years old. My mom bought it at the drug store for nine dollars. It has two stickers on it - a tomato and a frog - from when I was in high school. It's late. I hope that tonight isn't the night that it finally craps out.

It's Showtime, Baby!

DirecTV gave us Showtime for free for three months as a gift for sticking with them for one year. I am sure that is just enough time to get us hooked on Showtime original programming so that we are forced to pay for it when the three months are up.

So far, Fat Actress is crap and The L Word rocks.

Timing is Everything

If I accept a meeting rom 4-5, I fully expect to be out of there no later than 5:15. So if we're still there at 6:22, you will see me yawn and roll my eyes.

Asshat.

It's not going to be the happiest place on earth

I have bronchitis. I am leaving for Orlando in 36 hours. Son of a bitch!

Kids at my workplace

Ok, so I get it... You are a student... You have 2 kids... You are trying to get your registration or whatever accomplished. But please for the love of Pete... pay attention to the 2 kids. I so could've walked off with one or the both of them as they walked up my staircase and proceeded to run around the catwalk. Now these aren't kids of what I would consider to be self-entertaining age... they weren't 9 or 10. They were early toddler age and maybe 4. Good thing I'm not a crazy pervy mcperv...

CSI: California

With CSI Miami filming around the corner, it makes this post seem more appropriate. Between your gum smacking, your excruciatingly loud keyboard and your legs shaking so hard that your chair sqeaks, Alien officemate I am going to kill you. Since you are not of this planet, I am hoping there will be no discernible DNA.

Cashish

I HATE when people rip up checks or otherwise don't take the money in movies. Say what you have to say, but take the money anyway. Cripes.

Bitch

You know, I hate you. I hate that you poisoned my day yesterday with your bitchy rant on the phone about what you will and will not do, and about who ratted you out to our boss, and about who pissed you off. And I hate that you made someone feel really really badly today by yelling at her and just being mean when there was no reason for it. She felt bad about it, especially since you two have known each other for 20+ years and she thought you were friends.

But even more than all that, I hate you because you did a fraction of the work I did this week - at a fraction of the quality - and you've already left for the day.

I ate lunch with my boss's boss today - not because I'm a suck-up, which I'm really not that much of, but because I'm pleasant to be around. She knows you suck, so get prepared to take your sorry, whiny, complaining, ungrateful ass elsewhere.

Two Things

First, this here dusty little blog is getting a surprise in a couple weeks and it is NOT the new template and blogging platform.

Second, something has come up that may hasten Stage 4, but I am not going to mention it until I know for sure, but wish me luck.

Hang Tough

We are switching over to Movable Type. Cherry from
will start working on it next week. Better features! No Blogger! Added coolness!

Dear Blogger,

Ok seriously. What the hell. Sadly, I only have a very limited time during my day to sit down and post. When I only have ten minutes to devote to contributing to Peevishness and Botheration, or my own blog for that matter, why do you have to take over ten minutes to load the page that I need? I sit and stare at Blogger Dashboard until I get so pissed off waiting that I have to just walk away from the computer other than risk smashing it to pieces. Then? When I want to comment here on another post? You make me wait another ten minutes. Again...I end up walking away. Just fuck you.

Toodles!
~JuJuBee~

Song...

It is official, I hate the Gwen Stefani/Eve rendition of If I was a Rich Girl. It has been running through my head for about 3 days. And just when I think it is gone, there it is again. What I wouldn't give for Mambo #5 or Who Let the Dogs Out?

Mother Nature

Yesterday, it was 40 degrees and I started thinking about getting my spring coats out.

Today, it's snowing.

Just call me Madonna

My new bra seriously lifts and separates - I have two cones sticking out of my chest.

Afrolicious

My hair is kind of frizzy today.

Seriously, I'm thinking about it.

Does anyone have anything to say about typepad? Good or bad.

American Psycho

Hey Terra, did you know your blog does not exist? Ken, were you aware your blog does not exist? Michelle, did you hear the news? This blog does not exist.
It's weird, you sit down at the computer and you pour your heart out on your blog. You write for months on this thing and it turns out it's just a figment of your imagination. Some sick, twisted part of my mind created this entire blogging community. The people I've talked to, the comments I've received, all just part of my inner psychosis. It seems so real. Anybody have the number to a good psychologist? Wait, why am I asking you guys, you're all imaginary anyway. I don't think an imaginary psychologist will be of any use to me. Unless she reads this blog.

Appetizers

We had a fabulous photo shoot at Disneyland yesterday. This group shot is a little taste of what's to come.



Back row (l to r): Cindy Lou, Jen14221, Bubba, Peeved Michelle, Michael, Joanne, Matthew, Kate the Peon.
Front row (l to r): Heather, David, JuJubee

Vehicles to avoid

Michael's Top 5 Vehicles You Do Not Want To Drive Behind:

5. Where the driver is wearing a hat (excludes baseball caps)
4. Stuffed animals in the back window
3. A Volvo
2. A truck where any letters of "Toyota" are missing
1. Any vehicle with an antenna ball.

Frilly Templates

I'm sorry. But if you work at a corporation, it's really really really annoying and childish and unprofessional to set your email up so that every response has a colored background and all the font changes to a different color.

Sending emails out that have a blue background with blue font is dumb, dumb, dumb, and even worse, it makes me change my font color on my responses so that idiots like you can read them.

Muffin Stump

My husband ate the top off the last muffin, leaving me only the stump. Honeymoon Phase? So Over.

T-minus April 15th and counting

Why do I always wait until the last minute to get all my crap together for taxes?

You don't have to put out every single thing you have.

Joanne is here! We spent the day shopping! I bought three pairs of shoes, a jacket, some shirts and a couple of too expensive pairs of jeans.

I hate it when they cram the racks so full of clothes that I can't even sort through them to find my size. I also hate when the girl doesn't come up to me soon enough to ask me if I need a dressing room. I also hate when the girl is overly attentive and won't leave me the hell alone. However, I love valet parking.

I'm trying to hold my breath

There's nothing worse than riding a crowded elevator with a bunch of people in wet winter coats, all of whom have just smoked 100 packs of cigarettes each.*
It's been 30 minutes, and the smell is still lingering in my hair.


*It's okay if you smoke, and if you like to smoke 100 packs of cigarettes before getting onto a crowded elevator with your wet winter coat on. I wasn't talking about you. Don't send me hate mail!

Natural Resources

Hey Mr. Company Bigshot, I know we've had a lot of rain, but water is still a precious resource. Would it be asking too much to turn off the sink faucet when you leave the bathroom? Geez!

Unacceptable

When you have a lunch date at 11:30, it is really unacceptable to not be around at 11:38.

11:39.

On second thought...

So, I'm hearing on the news about this guy named Jesse James Hollywood, the alleged lowlife scumsucker who allegedly killed a kid and allegedly hid out in Brazil with his parents allegedly sending him money to allegedly live off. WTF were these parents thinking naming their kid this? Talk about your fulfilling a prophecy. They should be strung up. Before you saddle your kid with a name, THINK!

Now you work!

This is a peeve about this peeve blog. All day yesterday, I was bursting at the seams trying to log into this to post all the peeves I had. I finally gave up, left to vent via IM. Now that it's Friday, I don't have anything to peeve about (yet) and it's easy to log in. This is my ridiculous peeve of the day!

ZERO

I am still not feeling well, but I dragged my ass out of bed at 5:30 so I could have the boy fed and dressed and at daycare by 7am and then make it to my 8am meeting in downtown Buffalo. Guess how many people showed up at my 8am meeting?

A Fine Line

Some calls that came into the radio show I listen to in the morning have made me look at cheating in a new light. One of the host's friends met a guy from her past at an event the host had given her tickets to. The friend called the host to thank her and say how excited she was to be going on a date with this guy since he had the hots for her five years ago but she was married and he was too young for her then. Now, the situation was different and she was happy to rekindle the flame.

Hearing all this, the guy called in to say that the friend had the wrong idea. It wasn't going to be a date since he has a long-term girlfriend and that it was just supposed to be two friends catching up over drinks. The friend backtracked and pretended it wasn't as big of a deal as she originally made it out to be, though the guy had never mentioned the long-term girlfriend before that moment. He said he never had and never would cheat on his girlfriend.

A lengthy discussion ensued about whether or not he was cheating already even if nothing physical was happening.* I wasn't sure about it at that point. I mean, I go for drinks and meals with guy friends without my husband and in no way would either I or my husband consider those instances to be cheating.

Then the long-term girlfriend called in. She was sure her boyfriend wasn't cheating on her but she wasn't sure what to make of the situation and I could tell that she was uncomfortable about it. Then a female co-worker of the guy called in. She said that she thinks he walks a fine line between faithfulness and cheating. She said that she has had sexually explicit conversations with him that did not include anything physical. Now, would I call that cheating? I don't know, but it is definitely inappropriate.

I think that I am now forced to broaden my definition of cheating so that it includes this sort of behavior. If you are in an exclusive relationship and you have a conversation or an encounter with someone else, if you cannot recount that conversation word for word to your partner or you cannot describe that encounter to your partner in detail without discomfort, then you have behaved inappropriately. It's like foreplay to cheating and it is going to earn you a punch in the mouth if your partner is me.


*The producer of the show dubbed this sort of situation as "exploratory poonani." The guy is not cheating (physically) and might not ever cheat. He is just lining up some future poonani in case his current situation suddenly tanks.

Rude!

Don't tell me I look nicer - as in, not as mean - wearing my glasses rather than my contacts. I can still stare you down, bitch.

Great Timing

Why do I only get knock-down sick when there is a really important project going on at work? Not only do I have nausea, fever and aches and pains, but I also have to feel badly about missing work. Last week would have been a perfect time to get sick. All I did was surf the net and post my peeves.

Eeeeeeeee!

I might have an actual writing gig. So much excitement. Can barely type.

I saw an ad from an editor looking for freelancers for a local magazine. I answered the ad and sent her a couple movie reviews I'd written. She answered right away saying she would add me to her roster of freelancers. I replied letting her know that I am going to the opening night of a play next week and asked her if she would be interested in my review of that. She said yes! Five hundred words plus press photos! For a very miniscule amount of money* if she accepts it, but I don't even care about the money! Now I'm too legit to quit.


*The change I got back from paying for my lunch might actually be more money than that.

Another Pedestrian Vs. Driver Peeve

Dear Driver,

I am sorry you had to stop in the middle of the intersection. However, YOU ran the red light. I waited until the little man walking was flashed up before entering the intersection. As a result, YOU do not have the right to honk at ME as if I am in YOUR way. If YOU hadn't been doing something ILLEGAL, I wouldn't be in your way. The next time you do this I will hit your car with my umbrella, backpack, whatever I happen to be carrying.

Thanks.

It's Just Not Necessary

Do you really need to have birds if you live in an apartment complex?

N, you don't. Since your birds kept me up last night with their stupid chirping and woke me up AGAIN this morning with their stupid chirping - at 7am, no less!!! - something will be said next time I see you.

One step closer to freedom

Yay! We are not destitute after our tax appointment. In fact, we are getting a bit of a refund that should just about cover the cost of the living room furniture.

The Atrium

I hate it when they do parties in the little section of my building where the students usually line up for financial aid because:
1 - I have to shut my door. They are loud and I can't think.
2 - Now I'm trapped in my office because they use my stairs for speeches and I am too self conscious to walk down through the speeches area.

I Can't Breathe

To alien officemate: I didn't think it was humanly possible to yawn as many times as you have all afternoon (which is further proof you are not of this world). I know you have nothing to do, but you are sucking all the oxygen out of the office!

Quacks and Charlatans

I had an appointment with my dentist this morning before work to get my next set of Invisalign braces. As I approached the door, I could see through the little window that it was dark in there.

I can't fucking believe they would book an 8:30 AM appointment and then not even show up on time.

I peered into the window. The office was empty. I mean empty. Completely devoid of furniture, desks, wall hangings. Everything gone. No note on the door. Nothing.

Excellent. I better not be out my fucking $5000.

I realized that Invisalign has everything there, so if need be, I could probably go to another dentist. I was thinking, well, this is LA, I am sure I can find somebody to help me out of this situation.

They better have just fucking moved their offices and forgot to call me.

I got back to my office and called the dentist's office number. It still worked so that was a good sign. I hung up without leaving a message because I was still seething and would likely be incoherent. I called back a couple minutes later and left them a message letting them know that someone had better call me back ASAP.

I was planning to give them until the end of the day before I contacted Invisalign and every Board of Whatever that is listed on his business card, but I couldn't wait that long. I called back an hour later and the part-time dental assistant answered. She said she got the message and she isn't even sure what was going on with the move and that she would have Ruth, the office manager, call me. I told her that I absolutely could not believe that no one had called me and I extracted the address from her before hanging up.

The office manager finally called me and apologized and the reason she gave for why she hadn't called me was so fucking ridiculous that now I am pissed off all over again.

Whatever you do, don't flash him back.

Question: You are making an unprotected left turn at an intersection. You are sitting in the middle of the intersection waiting for the oncoming traffic to clear. The light turns yellow. There is still one oncoming car that is at the precise distance away that the driver of the oncoming car could either speed up and run the light or brake and stop for the light. You are not sure which way the driver will decide. The driver flashes the brights at you. What was the driver signalling to you?

Answer:
A- That the driver is stopping at the light and you are free to make your left turn.
B- That the driver is running the light so you'd better not turn yet.
C- That the driver is a wannabe gang member and if you flash your brights back at him, he fill follow you and kill you as an initiation into the gang.

I await your responses. I witnessed this incident this morning and the outcome was not what I was expecting.

Isn't it about time to go to work?

If you want to work from home do it on a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday. Drop the kid off at school and you'll have a nice, quiet, empty house. Do not work from home on a Tuesday or Thursday then bitch at me because the kid is too loud. Fucker.

Stockpiled peeves...

I've stockpiled a few this morning and I'll write the ones I can remember, although now that I'm ALMOST 31, the short term memory is starting to fade.

1 - You filled out the form. You put it in the prepaid self addressed stamped envelope and then you walked it over to me to mail? You're kidding me right?

2 - Big giant trucks or SUVs shouldn't park on the corners. It makes me have to walk part way out into the intersection to see if a car is coming or if I can cross the street safely. Which now means I'm halfway into an intersection with a car bearing down on me.

3 - Drivers, don't wave me across the road when I'm in the crosswalk with the little walking man sign flashing. I have the right of way. I'm taking it. You aren't magnanimously giving it to me.

4 - Also. Stop signs are there for a reason. Use them. Please.

5 - And who really needs to speed up to race down 3 blocks then to stop at stop light. The speed limit is like 25 on these neighborhood roads. There's really no point and instead of making you look all cool and shit, you look like an ass.

6 - People in Minivans who have the stereo blaring so loudly I can hear it on the street with the heavy bass going, that I can feel in my bones... who do they think they're kidding? They're driving mom-mobiles. No amount of Nelly blaring out of the Ford Aerostar's stock speakers makes it any less a Ford Aerostar. My parents drove one of those, for the record. With 3 kids.

7 - And finally... on the rare occasions I do drive, why in the hell do they (they being whomever decides these things) allow cars to be parked on both sides of some of these narrow ass residential roads. If, because of parking, a 2 way road now is a 1 way road... that's too many cars parked outside. Make them use their own driveways or get rid of one of their 6 cars parked out front!

Like Pulling Teeth

If I ask you if you're passing PD, I don't just want you to respond 'no.' And if I think ask you WHY you're not passing PD, I don't just want you to respond 'because we're not passing that code.'

I WILL tell your boss that I had a hard time getting an answer from you. I will ALSO tell your boss that we could have really used you at the 11:30 meeting I scheduled and invited you to. I will also tell your boss that you said you eat lunch then. Your boss will comment that he went to find you but since it was five after 4pm, he was out of luck.

You will conform to my standards of availability.

I am such a sap

Seriously, Paul Stanley from KISS should not make me tear up. On Ellen today, KISS surprised a 10 year old cancer survivor who is a big fan and Paul Stanley said some very touching things.

Called in a peeve in traffic

I said NO!

Mr. Commission Salesman, it's one thing you got me for extra printer cartridges and paper to go along with my new printer. But when I tell you I do not want to pay for an extended warranty, I don't want to say it over and over again. "No" doesn't mean "Yes!" It means "No." I feel violated.

Creature of habit

Why, oh why did you have to switch the regular trash bin with the recycle bin? They've been in the same place for the last year and some dolt switches them around. Now all the recyclables will be in the regular one and vice versa. Sorry, I'm not digging my trash out to fix this.

Too much info! I don't care!!

I am already 100% sick of the Michael Jackson molestation case. On my Yahoo homepage there are constant updates. Who testified to what, when. Are we going to have to have a 'news' article about every single thing? Jackson blows nose, updated 30 min ago. Or Child looks sad, updated 15 min ago. Seriously. Just tell us guilty or not guilty. I don't need every single minute detail.

What the...?

I temporarily switched to a standard template to cleanse your palate between the red site and the new improved site coming soon.

The first step is admitting that you have a problem

One good thing did come out of the tax receipt marathon this weekend. I discovered my husband's addiction to Jack in the Box. I was SHOCKED! At least now I can get him some help.

On the Hook

Question: If someone asked you, "Did they hook up?" about two people, what would you think the person was asking you?

Answer:
A- Did they have sex?
B- Did they make out?
C- Did one ask the other for a date?
D- Something else?

Please comment with your answer, as I encountered a discrepancy in the definition of that phrase this morning.

Fuckers

Stupid, lying, sneaking around, transparent code-comment making, acting all coy, bitchy little fuckers.

This is not a peeve, it's a rave

Is posting about something I love allowed??

Well, if you have an iPod and some extra $$$ (and even if you don't), you MUST BUY The Bose Sound Dock.

Check it out here. I love it.

Fat Americans

The husband and I are finally logging all of the receipts from 2004 for tax purposes. We have had them sorted for weeks but have been procrastinating about the hard part. Now that our tax appointment is two business days away, we are out of time. We have spent literally the entire day at it. He is reading off the date, place and amount. I am entering them into Quicken, which we just got a couple weeks ago. Next year should be much easier since I can download the transactions from the bank and credit card web sites directly into Quicken. I will only have to enter the cash receipts by hand.

The biggest lesson I have learned today is not that we shouldn't put things off to the last minute, but that we are disgusting, gluttonous, consumeristic pigs. We are fat Americans literally, figuratively, and in every rotten sense of the word. I absolutely cannot the believe the piles of money we have dumped into the lifestyle maintenance abyss. I make myself sick.

Update: I can't believe how many receipts have just a diet soda and some magazines on them.

The Third to Last Straw

Internal monologue occuring 2.5 minutes ago:
Mmm, diet Dr. Pepper. So glad they got the vending machines back. Ok, I don't really NEED a snack, but mmm... M&Ms. Oh, Raisinets! Yay! Fifty cents in... F2... Why are they not coming out? Use correct change? How is two quarters not fifty cents? Motherfucker, give me my fucking money back! Fuck. I am so quitting this place.

Priorities

We can put a man on the moon, but we can't make super strength indestructible nylons?

Come on, folks. It can't be THAT hard to make nylons that don't run. I don't mean tights, I mean, nylons.

Work with me.

Dear Jolly Rancher Jelly Beans...

For the record Dark Red jellybeans are always cherry. Not strawberry. NEVER strawberry. Strawberry candies are pink. PINK. Please correct all future bags of Jolly Rancher Jelly Beans so that I can enjoy them without a nasty shock.

Signed,

The girl who hates strawberries. (And yes I hate them. My Pappy (grandfather for those who are southernly challenged) lived on a strawberry farm and my dad's 3rd cousins or something still run it in Florida, but I HATE strawberries.)

How did they know?

Courtesy of Yankeebob. (See blogroll to the left for the link to his blog.)

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Stay Single

Dear Husband,

I asked you to please turn on the hot water in the shower for me when you went to the bathroom this morning. I did not ask you to fill the bathroom with your noxious fumes so that I would gag when I walked in there. I am not sure what your intention was there, but I am sure that you did not consider the consequences of your actions. I see a sneak attack Dutch Oven* in your near future.

Love,
Michelle

*Since we have some international readers, I will explain in case this is not a universally-known term. A Dutch Oven is when one person farts in bed and immediately pulls the covers up over the head of the other person in bed, trapping that person in a toasty oven of stench.

Bad Coffee

I am slightly frugal, and since there is no good coffee to-go place on my way to work, I usually make a thermos of coffee at home and bring it in with me. It's part of my morning ritual. Feed the baby, take my vitamins, fix my coffee. Only today I forgot to add the delicious cinnamon-vanilla flavored creamer that I love so much and now I have a thermous full of coffee that tastes like ass. And I am pissed.

Mad Rush

If I had remembered that my sister-in-law (of sorts*) was coming to stay with us tonight I would not have postponed the housekeeper until next week. The husband called on the way home to let me know that she was maybe a half hour behind me. I had to pick up the clutter, put towels in the guest bathroom, change the bedding in the guest room, put fresh water in the carafe on the night table (for extra fanciness), light a candle in there to cover the mustiness since there is no time to air it out, and attempt to calm the dogs who are just excited that someone is finally home. So now that I am done, where is she already?


*My brother-in-law has marriage issues and so has not married his longtime girlfriend but has proclaimed her to be his life partner. She is working on her Ph.D. in film theory at Berkeley and is down here doing some research at UCLA and going to a conference at UCI.

Program it!

How many times do you have to call me and apologize for dialing the wrong number? Like every other day?! I appreciate your apology, but it is still beyond annoying. And I really liked that song playing in my headphones that you made me take off so I can answer the damn phone. Just program the freakin' number you want in your phone and use it!

Speaking of dead trees

The post below reminded me. Capital One sucks. I get a damn application (sometimes two) every day in the mail how I have great credit, am pre-approved for 0% financing, free balance transfer, blah, blah. I had a department store credit bill come in with like 22% interest that I could pay off, but was expecting it a month later (one of those buy all the expensive furniture now and defer for six months) and planned to pay for it with my tax refund instead of dipping into savings. So, I called Cap One to take advantage of their offer so I could hold off paying it for another month. The dolt on the phone couldn't answer a single question without referring to some printed readout that was read to me, verbatim. After all that, they couldn't approve me over the phone, and said I would have to wait 7-10 days to get something in the mail. Which of course crosses the date my dept store card is due. So much for no-no-no no-no-no-no-no. Eat it, David Spade!

More dead trees; and I spent too much money in February

In my mailbox today:

1. Crate and Barrel furniture catalog
2. Crate and Barrel regular stuff catalog
3. Victoria's Secret catalog (x2)
4. Eddie Bauer catalog, women's spring stuff
5. LL Bean catalog
6. Lands' End catalog (x3)
7. Capital One credit card statement

Wanted: Bubba

I made a police-style sketch of the husband. This is what he would look like if he were wanted for a crime. Make your own criminal.

Grocery

So ordinarily I'm not THAT person... you know the one who looks at the receipt and makes sure that it is correct. Well I had bought Hagen Daaz sorbet because it was 2 for $6.00. It didn't ring up that way. I go to the U-Scan helper guy and ask. He sends little bagger guy who comes back and says yup it should be 2 for $6. Then I get sent to the customer service desk. She goes and checks. And asks frozen food manager. Apparently the Frozen Yogurt and the Ice Cream made by Hagen Daaz is on sale, but the Sorbet isn't. WTF? Why only put 2 varieties on sale and why make the signs so damn confusing that even their own employee got confused. Sigh.

Self inflicted...

I've eaten too many little Snickers bars and now my tummy is upset.

Blogger Sucks Ass

I really cannot fathom how Blogger can have so many server issues with Google as the parent company. I know Google has server power. Send some of it this way, you greedy asses.

I'm So in the Wrong Business

Could someone please explain to me why, WHY a tube of cream to treat my son's extremely mild case of eczema (I hate that word) would cost over $121.00? A tube of cream. To treat eczema. Seriously.

Four more hours

I've already eaten my lunch and my snack(s) and goofed off alot and this is the longest day ever.